Saturday, January 31, 2009
I DO NOT KNOW who the fuck this nasty ass bitch Dani is who keep leavin them nasty ass comments in that last email bout how she gonna CUT UP my friends but I WILL let her know that if she don't stop then she WILL stop. And YOU KNOW that shit is serious. She say she gonna CUT Tina and I can tell by her tone that this bitch use a BIG knife. And it is there in print and when we take her ass into court we will have it in print and then we convince the jury how SAD it is that this bitch would say she gonna cut up a bitch that in the hospital. I'm just sayin, she probly spit on your Grandmom and not even feel bad about it! I think I need one of them anti-virus things in my computer so bitches like that can't hack into my emails.
Friday, January 30, 2009
I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful to you or your family but that pizza I got last night from your sister's Baby Daddy Roberto's place taste like Spaghetti-O's and Wonder Bread!! And I AIN'T KIDDIN cause I seen some little pasta alphabet letters in the sauce. That shit was limp. AND they didnt give me no pepper flakes! That's just cheap ass pizza.
Anyway, I didn't get to finish that story about the laundymat last night cause I had
to eat AND PAY FOR that cheap ass pizza, even though I THOUGHT you say they hook me up. So the other night Tina slap Showcase down at that laundymat and say that shit about "The price ain't right" and Showcase get pissed with the Price is Right comment so she stand
right back up and she slap Tina right back down and Tina STILL don't learn her lesson and she stand right up and get right in Showcase's face and she yell "Showcase Showdown, bitch!!!"AND TINA KNOW that Showcase hate that Showdown shit. That one time Showcase have house arrest was cause she beat down some bitch that said "Showdown". And as soon as I hear Tina say it I say right at her face and I say it like a parent, "Shut Up Tina!!!" I know I always say she need to cut her sentence short but girl sometimes I think she be better if she cut her tongue right off. But she know...she know to bring a jacket and she know not to say Showdown to Showcase.
I ain't gonna get into all the details and shit but Tina figure that since Showcase beat the shit out of her and she back in the hospital now, she gonna sue Showcase for $!!,000,0000,00.5 !
It don't stop! All I KNOW is we all suppose to go to that Super Bowl party on Sunday and I HOPE that Showcase and Tina can be civil durin the game.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I don't know if you already heard but if I was in Las Vegas I would bet on I guess you already heard. Tina probly call you right after she get on the 24. Girl, it did not stop today! First, Me and Tina was downtown today cause Fortune started workin at H&M for somethin to do til she have the baby and she get us a good discount. Well right when we walk out of H&M Tina step in the biggest blob of gum I ever seen. It was about the size of dog shit. Tina stomp right down in it and then stick to the sidewalk. She try to lift up her sneaker and it look like there was three pieces of Bubble Yum and some flies all chewed together and stuck on there. And she was wearin her purple sneakers that she always wear downtown so YOU KNOW she got pissed. She was SPRITZZin! She standin in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of Powelll Street screaming at this group of like 15 Chinese ladies sayin they need to learn how to "properly dispose of their motherfucking gum!!!" Talkin how she gonna teach a lesson. She pointin at the ones that she see chewing gum and then walkin up to them and flickin her finger into their forehead and yellin "WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT GUM WHEN YOU DONE WITH IT, BITCH!??" They don't even know what she SAYIN, Tina freakin out in their faces, one lady just start crying and another one handed her $30 and RAN! Then Tina SNATCH HER SNEAKER off the sidewalk and put it right in the face of the first bitch she seen and the bitch she do it to was like 8O and didnt even have no teeth to chew no gum! Tina put it right in her face but then I think she realize that she actually do have a heart and took it OUT of the bitches face pretty fast. She just start wavin it and pokin it at people like it's a torch or something, jabbing it at people, she start screamin "Hide and Seek Bitches, you gonna be chewin THIS piece next!" Anyway she freak out for like 5 minutes then she just take her knife out of her pocket and scraped the gum off. She toss it right back on the sidewalk.
So we was at H&M and Fortune say that Showcase say that she serious about
the lawsuit and that SHE KNOW her sister only doin it for the money, and she said that Showcase gonna sue for $25,000,000! What the fuck is wrong with her? First, Tina took Plinko out to Dennys right after she kick the shit out of him which proves beyond any reasoned doubt that he FORGAVE her. And second, who is the last person you would try to get $25,000,000 out of? Tina could work til the year 25 million and STILL not save $25.
Well, me and Tina was walkin home tonight and you know how at like 6 it went from bein real warm to real cold? Well Tina didn't think it would get cold today since it was so nice so she didnt wear no jacket and then when we was walkin home Tina start bitching about how she cold and why didnt I tell her to bring no jacket! That bitch KNOWS! You ALWAYS bring a jacket. Anyway, we was on Divis and we walk by this laundromat and Tina grab me in there and tell me to be lookout while she go through the driers...you know how she do. So she find this sweater that was almost dry and she put it on and RIGHT as we was walkin out the laundrymat SHOWCASE walk in and look at Tina and Tina look at Showcase and Showcasestart to point at Tina and YOU KNOW Tina don't like to be pointed at!! Tina
slapped Showcase's finger down real hard and Showcase start SCREAMIN at Tina sayin how she gonna sue her for $50,000,000 and that Tina gonna have to pay it all! So Tina slap Showcase right in her head and she yell "The Price AINT right, bitch! I think you over bid!!.... NOW WHAT!?" And YOU KNOW that Showcase don't like it when people pull that Price is Right shit on her. So she...Girl, my pizza's here...I gotta go.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Girl, sometimes it don't matter if you DON'T cross that street just cause Tina do, you still get hit by the fuckin car! Showcase been callin ME all day today and she screamin bout how her and her brother is gonna sue Tina for beatin him up and then they gonna sue her in a separate case for spitting on him! I HOPE I get jury duty for that spitting case cause I'm gonna MAKE SURE that they have Tina and Plinko re-enact the whole thing. I'd be standin up actin all confused sayin I can't visualize in my mind the positions they was in when she was spittin on him so please re-enact it for me. You know Tina be into it. She always want to spit inside a court room. But you KNOW that Showcase put Plinko up to this!. That Plinko so nice that it don't matter if he got the shit kicked out of him and spray painted green, he ain't gonna sue nobody. Showcase just lookin for some new clothes.
I still ain't talked to Tina since she was throwin that rock through Shakey's window but I
HEARD from Shirley that Tina busted in there screamin and wavin a umbrella around. And you know how Shakey always got a gallon jug of whiskey sittin on his stove? Well Tina grab the bottle and she start pourin the whiskey all over Shakey's carpets and she screaming "Gimme my money bitch!" and tellin Shakey that his shady Cousin a cocksucker for takin advantage of the new president and that she got matches in her pocket and that she ain't afraid to strike one if she don't see $40! Then she start flickin matches at the carpet but then steppin on them real fast so the place wouldn't burn down. Now I'm just sayin that this is the story that Tina told Shirl so you don't even know how much of that shit is even true. BUT Tina told Shirl that she got MY half of the money (?) and that she end up fuckin Shakey. She don't stop fuckin him.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
You know how we always say "Just cause Tina's crossin the street don't mean you should too"? You know cause of that one time she cross against the light and got hit by that car. But it is true and everyday I come into some situation with Tina and I always say to myself "Just cause Tina's crossin the street don't mean you should too". Well after we get up today Tina say right away how she gonna find Shakey's shady cousin and how she gonna make him give our (MY) money back. Girl I KNEW $20 a ticket was too cheap. Anyway me and Tina walk over to Shakey's to see if Wiley there and RIGHT AT THE TIME me and Tina's walkin up Tina seen Wiley walkin out! And you know the way Tina jump when she see a dollar on the ground? That's how she jump at Wiley! Tina just charge all up on him and grab him by his belt and throw him right on the ground. That dude was FLAT on his back. Tina got her foot in his face screamin "NOW WHAT?" Then she start saying how she want her (MY) money back and she start kickin the dude in the ribs and spittin on him and talkin bout how he BETTER have the money. The dudes layin on the ground and cryin real hard and beggin her to stop and Tina kick him like 15 times and after the 15th time she kick him she realize it ain't even Wiley. Tina there kickin the shit out of Showcases little brother Plinko. Plinko start screaming "TINA!!!!!" but you know how she get once she get kickin. She don't stop. Tina kicks once, you know she kickin 5 times. She felt bad when she realized and saw the blood on Plinko's face. I hope Showcase ain't mad.
That's when the bad shit happen. Tina go UP TO Shakey's front door and start bangin on it and makin noise and yellin motherfucker and sayin how she gonna get her money even if she have to burn the place down! And that's when I said "Just cause Tina's crossin the street don't mean you should too". As soon as I hear her say "burn down" and then put that brick through the window I just left. I wasnt crossin that street. Cause you know she serious. I hope she didn't burn down Shakey's place, i got shit stored there.
Well, me and Tina's back now but I still ain't sure I'm ready to look at you face to face because everytime I look at you I'm gonna think of how you made me suffer with Tina at the inauguration. I ain't even told you that when we was listening to Barak Obama give his speech and he was sayin all that shit about buildin a brighter future, and fixing shit, and making America shine again, Tina start yellin "SHOW AND TELL BITCH!" She all messed up on pain pills and mimosas, and everytime Obama say he gonna do somethin, Tina start yellin it. And she still always say it twice. And NOBODY around us thought it was funny. CAUSE IT WASN'T. I ain't never been with somebody that was on my nerves and on the nerves of more people at one time than when Tina was on my and everyone elses nerves right then. That bitch had people SHUSHING her and you know she don't like people shushing her so she start yellin about how it's her President too, and how every voice count and how she got a right to free speech and how it say so in the Bible. She need to shut up sooner. Then all the millions of people around us got a attitude to ME cause I'm her friend and I should do something about her. And YOU KNOW I wanted to tell people to fuck off but Tina was acting so bad and I knew they was right to be pissed so I told a lot of people that she was crazy and that's why she screamin and have her head wrapped up in pink. I told them she was from a "home". I'm just sayin, I don't know what pain pills she on, but they don't mix with mimosas. That girl need to stick to beer wit that shit.
And I KNOW you heard that the two tickets I THOUGHT I had to the Presidents Ball turned out to be fake. And YOU KNOW as soon as Tina see Shakey's shady cousin Wiley who
sold us them tickets she gonna kick his ass. Cause we went up to that ball and even though we slept in a box the night before we still look good. And then we get up to the door and give the dude the tickets and he get all up on his radio right away for security and then they drive us away on a cart and then they lock us in a room and ask us bout WHERE we bought the tickets! Tina said we got em from Shakey's shady cousin but she say she didn't know his name. They just let us go after that and told me to make sure I got her back safely.
Well, we back now. And I guess I forgive you but you better gimme some weed or somethin. I'll probly call you.
Friday, January 23, 2009
I know, that you know, that I am mad as FUCK at you. I TOLD YOU not to tell Tina that the other ticket to the inauguration didn't get stolen. Me and you was all set to go to Washington DC and then the first thing you say to her when you first seen her on Saturday Night at that meat party... "Hey Tina, you hear that other ticket didn't really get stolen?" Then Tina start yellin at ME bout why ain't I told her yet and I had to look at her and LIE and say that I was savin it as a surprise. I TOLD YOU I didn't want Tina to go with me with her head all wrapped up in them pink bandages. I'm just saying, I don't think YOU wanna be walking around with someone who look like that and that people is gonna stare at. And I TOLD her maybe she could wear a wig or somethin so she'd look less embarassing but she say that the doctor say that you can't wear no wig over the bandages cause your head can't breathe and if your head can't breathe then your scalp could fall off. And that can be dangerous. But since YOU open your big mouth I had to take Tina to the inauguration and I know you heard everything from Tina already. I'm just saying, if she tell you that it's MY fault for what happen on Wednesday night, well she lie.She a lying bitch and she can lick my ass if she gonna try and say it was my fault. You KNOW that every time either one of us ever get arrested it always Tina's fault. I got arrested for shoplifting once when Tina stuck them Whitman's Samplers in my bag without me knowing. I get arrested and she go free. She don't stop. All I know is this time that bitch is payin me back for the bail money, I don't care if she got hospital bills. Which she do.
And I know you already heard that on the way there Tina took them wire cutters she always carry and snapped the wire that kept her jaw shut. I told her she shouldn't do it but you know how she always say she good at performing minor surgeries. That doctor gonna be more pissed than I was when I had to hear Tina NAG the whole trip.
And I KINOW you heard that we didn't even get no hotel room in
Washington DC. Maybe someone could have told me that all the hotels a be crowded. One night we slept in a box in some bushes and one night Tina gave some dude a massage at his place and he let us sleep on his floor. Then of course the 2 nights we spent in jail, so we didnt have to worry about no place to sleep. I'm just saying that I guess there were more people in Washington than I thought they be and if i go to the inauguration again next year I'm gonna call for a room in like December.
Anyway, like I say before, don't believe Tina if she say it was my idea to steal that car. She been naggin the whole day about how she cold and how she don't feel like walkin no more and how her bandages hurt and she think she sick. Then she seen this dude get out of his car to go into the 7-11 and he leave the car running and Tina start yelling at me to "get in the fuckin car" and she jump in the drivers side so I jump in the other side and we got about 2 blocks down the street when Tina hit that hot dog cart. And we would have gotten away
if she ran over the hot dog vendor dude too but she didn't and he waved down the police. But Tina tryin to say that I MADE HER steal the car and that I was punching her arm when she was driving and that why she crash. I'm just sayin that if you had kept your mouth shut and didn't say anything about that ticket then I wouldnt have gone to jail. And they only let us go after just two days cause they found out that Tina was the woman on death row for 48 hours and they didn't need all the publicity of havin a celebrity like her locked up in their jail during inauguration week. I'll tell you about it more tomorrow if I feel like it.
Friday, January 16, 2009
FIRST, Tina said she excited to see you at that dinner tomorrow at her house and she told ME to tell YOU that you better not be bringing some cheap ass meat like salisbury steak or ground beef. She tell me to tell you that we should have AT LEAST a T-bone. Tina say she got all the condiments but if you want potatoes and vegetables then you better pick them up too. And she need some napkins. I don't know how she already go through that whole jumbo pack of napkins that Lulu stole from the restaurant and give to her. Tina probly use them for diapers on the baby. Oh, and if you want to drink anything you should probly pick it up on your way. Tina said she don't care if her jaw wired shut, she eatin them steaks. Oh, did I tell you? Tina want 2 steaks for herself. She don't stop with the steaks.
SECOND, right before they let Tina out of the hospital today they put some new bandages on her head and they let her pick what color bandages she want to go home wearin and Tina sayshe want pink! Tina's head all wrapped in pink bandages lookin like a walking cotton candy. She crazy. Anyway, she ain't got her whole face covered no more, the bandages is just wrapped around the top of her head like a turban and then the bandages wrap under her chin and up over her head, then her jaw all wired shut and then she STILL got that dick mark on her face. So she still look a little weird. And YES, they did (FINALLY!) shave that weave off her head. It in some hazardous waste garbage bag in the basement of the hospital. Her weave probly tryin to fight it's way out the bag. I'm just sayin that it's probly alright if you tell her it's cool that her head bandages match her braces but don't say she look like cotton candy.
Don't forget, we leave for the inauguration on Sunday. AND REMEMBER...it ain't 72 degrees in Washington DC like it is here. I got sunburned today! I heard it's A LOT colder in A LOT of
places but I ain't sure cause I ain't seen the news cause I been outside enjoyin the weather. Tina scribbled on a napkin that she heard it's colder than freezing on the East Coast and that frozen things like lakes is gettin a extra layer of freeze. So bring socks! I'll see you at Tinas.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Well, day 2 of Tina still havin her mouth tied shut and I gotta tell you I ain't ever enjoyed being her friend more. It's so much better when she can't complain about faggots or go on about how she think that sometimes Shakey's just using her. That just tire me out. They took her bandages off today to put on fresh ones and I dont know what the fuck Showcase talking about with internal injuries cause Tina got a scar on her face the size and shape of Johnny Case's dick. That shit starts at her mouth and wraps right around the back of her head. And I ain't saying that Tina was suckin Johnny Cases dick when she hit that pot hole and then hit her head on the roof and then on the steering wheel, I'm just sayin that after the bandages came off she look like she had a indentation of Johnny Case's dick on her face. And when Tina drink her dinner through a straw and sucks her cheeks in the dick do a little dance on her face. It's cute! I TOLD HER that you promised to be at her apartment on Saturday to be at her welcome home party and you'd bring them steaks we talked about before. Just make sure you don't make any Mummy jokes...she dont think they funny.
Only five days til I leave for the inauguration. Do you think I should book a hotel room
now or wait til I get there? Let me know. I wanna get somethin real close to the Washington monument. I'll tell you on Saturday if you can have the extra ticket. And if I DO ask you to go, don't tell Tina. I told her I got robbed and someone stole one of the tickets.
Monday, January 12, 2009
It is beyond me how you think that anyone believe that you "lost your neighbor's dog" right before you was supposed to go with me to the hospital to see Tina and then you "found" the dog right at the same time I got to the hospital. I ain't sayin it didn't happen, I'm just sayin. Anyway, Tina was pissed that you didn't come and I swear that if her jaw wasn't wired shut and she could open her mouth she would have bitched about you the whole time. I seen it in her eyes. You know how her eyes get! Even with all them bandages on her face you could still see her eyes and they was mad that you wasn't there. I TRIED tellin her about that "lost dog" but from what I could tell from her eyes, she didnt believe it either. All I know is there ain't NO WAY she goin to the inauguration with me cause she ain't even gettin her face bandages off til the 23rd! And I ain't gonna be showin up at the inauguration after parties with Tina all wrapped up, walkin around Washington DC like its Halloween. That's embarrassing.
Anyway, I guess Showcase was right and Tina almost DID bite her tounge off! I KNOWyou picturin it right now, Tina wit no tounge! Mmmmmmmmm. Stop. That girl need her tounge to make her living. She lucky her teeth didnt bite right through it. She wrote me a note on a napkin that she wanna sue Shakey's brother. Tina wrote it right on the napkin...sue Shakey's brother...then she start tappin her pen real hard on it. TAP TAP TAP.....TAP TAP TAP... And I could TELL she was tappin out "SHOW AND TELL" cause she tapped the napkin three times each time she did it. She actin like her wildest dream came true and she can finally sue Shakey's brother for all he's worth. What kind of case is she gonna make out of that and what the fuck does she think she gonna get out of Shakey's brother? A car with no back windows? She don't stop, even all bandaged up.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Well I know how your phone always get shut off from the 11th to the 15th so I didnt even try to call you when I heard. Did you hear? Tina borrowed Shakey's brothers old piece of shit Cutlas so she could go see some friend way down San Bruno Ave and I don't know what kind of FRIEND she got way down San Bruno Ave but I THINK it got somethin to do with that shit she make in her basement. Anyway, Tina was drivin down San Bruno in Shakey's brothers car and she hit this big pothole. And YOU KNOW that old piece of Shakey shit Cutlas don't have no shocks, that car ain't had no shocks or back windows ever since he bought it. Well I guess when Tina hit that pothole her head bounced up and hit roof of the car and then bounced back down and smacked the steering wheel and I think the combination of the two things is why Tina got her jaw wired shut now. All I know is Tina ain't going with me to the inaguration if her jaw is still wired shut cause I don't need everyone starin at us. And I want to drink when I'm there and I AIN'T drinkin with Tina if she taking pain killers AND drinkin her beer through a straw. Well I didnt have a chance to stop and see Tina at the hospital but Showcase did and Showcase said that most of Tinas injuries are Internal so it's not that bad. And her head all wrapped like a mummy. And she said Tina almost bit her tounge off but I aint gonna start spreadin that around cause YOU KNOW how Showcase like to exagerate. Well I guess I got my wish from the other day when I say "Tina needs to learn to shut the fuck up". I'll meet you tomorrow and we'll go see her at the hospital.
I KNEW it was gonna happen I just didnt know when it would happen but it happen on Friday. You know how Shirley doin them parenting classes for Tina? Well Tina said she gonna pay Shirl $40 and Shirley been to 4 classes so far and Tina ain't paid her shit and now Shirley sayin she ain't gonna go to no more classes so now Tina won't be able to get her Good Parenting diploma and the state might SELL the baby. I mean I don't really feel sorry for Shirley cause if she an ass enough to think that she gonna get some money out of a unemployed bitch who lost her baby in the bar then she gotta learn her lesson. She lucky she only losin out on $40. Tina could lose the baby!! That's why I think that Tina should probaly go rip someone off and steal money out of their wallet the way she do while she suckin their dick and then pay Shirl the money so she'll keep goin to the classes. She gonna get a big tax deduction for the baby this year and it worth a lot more than $40. So she can't afford to lose the baby. Tina said that if she have another kid and it's a boy then she'll get three times the money on her taxes. Is that true? She said she want to have another baby before the end of the year. She don't stop.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Well if you finally got your head off the dick of that guy you met New Years Eve then I know you heard that me and Tina got in a fight at the Safeway. It don't stop. It don't matter if I drink with her or not she always get us in trouble. That's just Tina. But me and her was in the butter and cheese aisle and this BITCH with nasty frizzy grey hair walk by and I SEEN HER look Tina up and down and up and down and then she walk past us and she say "Someone a little OLD to be dressin like that." And YOU KNOW that Tina dont like to be told how to dress. So I turn to Tina and I say "You hear what that bitch just say?" But Tina DIDN'T hear what the bitch said and then she made me tell her what the bitch said and when I told her what the bitch said she freaked out the way you already thinkin she freaked out. Worse. Tina walked right across the aisle to the eggs and she threw a egg right at that bitches head and when the bitch turned around Tina just look at her and say "NOW WHAT?" AND I KNEW that from right at that second on, I was gonna be banned from the Safeway. Cause you know she don't just throw around "NOW WHAT?" I seen her break a bitches finger once after a "NOW WHAT?"
Anyway, this bitch turns around and starts yellin at Tina sayin she ain't no teenager and she don't even need to be dressing like that and Tina start yellin LOUDER than the other bitch about how that bitch need to stop walkin around the Safeway in her pajamas actin like
she a judge on Project Runway and how she need to get over to the shampoo aisle for some conditioner for her hair and some RID for her crabs and some Masingail for her pussy! She screamin it like a crazy person, wavin her arms and pointin her finger. Then she throw another egg at the bitches head. She don't stop. And when the second egg hit the bitch Tina just kept yellin "NOW WHAT...NOW WHAT?!" That bitch probly did a Shakey in her pants. And I guess because Tina pulled out her knife some asshole called security and they put me and Tina in the little Safeway prison...you been in there, you know what it look like.
I ain't gettin into details but the bitch said she didnt want to press charges cause she knew what was good for her and her teeth, but them bitches at Safeway made Tina pay for them two eggs that she threw at that bitches head. I thought they might make her buy the rest of the carton too cause how they gonna sell a ten pack of eggs? And as soon as Tina paid they took our pictures and banned us "for life". They said we aint even allowed to use Safeway.com. How the fuck am I supposed to live without the Safeway? Tina need to learn to shut her fuckin mouth.
Monday, January 5, 2009
WELL, if you was stupid then I might have to tell you, but I know you ain't stupid so I don't even need to tell you that my hangover after the New Year parties make me feel like I got a big living room chair comin out my ass while that cheap ass fabric softener that Tina use is being poured on my face and burning off my skin. You know what I mean! Like YOU was that ONE Halloween. I will drink with ANYONE, but I aint NEVER drinkin with Tina again cause it seem like everytime I do any drinkin with Tina I end up havin to apologize to a lot of people. Or pay a fine. And after I seen that I puke on that rug that I love I was SO MAD at Tina cause she know I can't eat spicy food after I drink anything blue. And she MADE US get them enchiladas. Anyway, I got my rug hanging outside my window right now to air out. And since it's so cold out that should kill most of the germs. Then I'll Fabreeze it. I'm just sayin, I was THAT sick and it's Tinas fault.
And I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU BEEN but your cell phone been off since right after New Years and I KNOW cause I called you 4 times yesterday and three times today to see if you could bring me some soda. I'm just sayin that it's RUDE to keep your phone off for
more than 9 hours.
And WHAT the fuck is up with Fortune? Did you hear? That bitch ain't even due til May!!!
Her and her baby daddy was gonna try to get the doctors at the hospital to put Fortune into a early labor so they could get the fame and money for the first new year baby. Fortune startin to make Showcase look like the smart one in that family. I'm glad they caught onto her
early cause I was gonna give up MY New Years Eve to be with some bitch who aint even havin her baby til May. Fortune got her degree at Western, she need to start using it. She dont need to be runnin scams.