Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It Positively Got To Be There Overnight

Well as sure as shit falls from your ass, Fortune do something today that make me wonder if all them times she say "Damn girl, so and so fucked my brains out last night", if maybe her brains really do get fucked out of her.  I mean just because that bitch ain't got enough common sense to reach up into the front seat to get a condom out the glove compartment when she gettin some in the backseat, don't mean she can't have enough sense to SAY the right thing when she trying to get her baby back from the Children's Protective Service agents.  It ain't bad enough that I got to pick Tina up at the Greyhound station tomorrow and act like she ain't a lying bitch about the whole Beyonce thing, now I got to help Fortune and her sorry, blind ass get her baby back.  I am serious when I say that I wish she could find a dude to fuck her brains back into her.

Anyway, the Children's Protective Service agents was being REAL NICE and REAL SORRY to Fortune for all the mix up and all the shit that happen when they take HER baby instead of
Tina's baby and they put the whole baby return shit on the fast track and they ask Fortune if she could come down to New Mexico on Friday to pick up the baby.  Well that sightless ass tell them she can't make 
it on Friday and can't they just FED-EX the baby to her on a overnight flight!  How that bitch think a baby could survive a overnight flight in a box? Any SANE person know she need to have the baby sent Same Day Air!  So NOW the Children's Protective Peoples is wondering if Fortune is really fit to have a baby!  I'll get back to you about what happens....Fortune want me to meet at at the bar  at two o'clock and help her figure things out.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


You remember how Fortune used to wear them big thick glasses that make her face look like she got two glass igloos resting on her nose and her eyes look like giant bowling balls shooting out her head?  And you always say "Damn Fortune, I bet you can see through a brick wall with them things!", even though that joke got TIRED after the 87th time you say it. Well you know how one day she just stop wearing the glasses and she SAY she start wearin contacts but then she start bumpin into shit all the time and then she ran over that dude on the bike with her car and took off without stoppin?  Well that bitch need to find them glasses again and put them back on her face cause she either blind or she as stupid as Shakey's sperm.

Anyway, I'm just sayin that cause you remember I told you how Tina's baby got shipped off to New Mexico after we thought Tina was dead?  Well before the baby got shipped off, Fortune
 was "takin care of it" and YES maybe that wasn't no good idea and YES it was a nightmare. Well now that Tina coming back Fortune say she gonna let Tina stay with her for a bit while she readjust to life outside the carnival world.  So Fortune start cleaning up her nasty apartment, and YES I DID ask her if she threw away that container of chinese food from Giant Panda that been sittin on her counter since April growing shit in it and SHE SAY she did but it would not surprise me if that shit still sittin there and still growing.  But that ain't even what I'm talking about.  

So Fortune call me 30 minutes ago and she all in a panic and she crying about her baby and she hypo-ventalating and screaming and I couldn't understand most of what she sayin so I told her to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up and call me back in 5 minutes.  So she call me 4 
minutes later and she say she realize when she was cleaning the house that when the Childrens Protective Service peoples came by to get Tina's baby THREE WEEKS AGO that she gave them HER baby instead!  And that bitch didn't even notice until TODAY!  Now it's true that Tina's baby and Fortunes baby do have some similar features, probably cause them babies created by the same dick... don't even tell no one I said that....but Tina's "baby" is three years old.  How do Fortune think that HER three month old baby is up and walking and doing the dishes? I should have known something was up when I called her and her baby answered the phone.  I'll let you know what happens.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Girl, I fucked up, Tina AIN'T Dead!

Well I guess there still a chance that Tina can pay you back that $37 you was bitching about after you hear that she dead cause she ain't dead.  But from what I hear she pissed that everyone thought she was dead and then just got on with their lives even though her body was never found.  She don't stop.  But answer me THIS... how she expect everyone to think she AIN'T dead after she just leave her baby in the cereal aisle of Foods Co and then just disappear for two months? Tina KNOW and WE KNOW that people don't just disappear... people either get buried in the woods or dropped into deep water.  I mean SOMETIMES people get burned in dumpsters or shot in the back of the head execution style and left in a parking lot, but most of the time they just buried in the woods til a dog or a rabid squirrel uncover them and drag them out piece by piece.  Remember that time Showcase found her dog playing with her cousin's hand?  I'm just saying.  I just don't know how Tina think we could think anything else except that she was dead.  She got no logic. All I know is that I ain't giving back that microwave I took from her apartment when we was all dividing up her shit.

Anyway, Mary say that Tina call her last Tuesday and Tina say she ain't been able to call cause she she got a job as a backup dancer on Beyonce's tour and Beyonce don't let none of her backup bitches have no cell phone.  YES SHE DID! That bitch has GOT TO BE huffin again cause she think that we all gonna believe that even though Showcase seen the Beyonce tour and she didn't see no Tina.  

It don't stop there.  Shakey said he was down in Sacramento on "business" the day after Tina call Mary and he say that he seen Tina working the ferris wheel at a school carnival.  What the fuck do Tina know about working a ferris wheel?  YOU KNOW that bitch used to go to carnivals just to chuck rocks at people and babies circling around on ferris wheels.  I'm just hoping that she didn't have to help put that shit together cause I seen shit on the TV where they say that most carnival workers only use 60% of the nuts and bolts it takes to build a ride and YOU KNOW if Tina was putting it together she only use like 30% and some scotch tape she pick off of old wrapping paper from two Christmases ago.  I mean, you seen the way she put jigsaw puzzles together with staplers and shit.

So, Tina coming back home next week.  She don't know that her baby living in New Mexico and I hope I ain't the one who have to tell her.  We'll see.