Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Fortune Had Her Fuckin Baby

Well it finally happen and Fortune finally had that damn baby and I swear on a chicken that if it had gone on for three more minutes I would have claw scratched some bitch.  That bitch Fortune said that her man Jimmy Doolittle gonna be in the operating room and then Jimmy Doolittle don't SHOW UP to the operating room and then Fortune start screaming how she gonna cut his balls off!  She screamed about it ALL DURING her labor from Sunday morning til 8:00 tonight!!! And since he didn't show up that bitch made me go in the labor room with her!  And YOU KNOW that I don't even LIKE horror movies.  But she make me do this shit.  AND I AM TELLING YOU, she talk THE WHOLE TIME about cuttin off them balls.  Every push, every grunt, every moan... in between EVERY one of those she screaming about them balls. I ain't even gonna tell you all the methods she had for doing it,  I'm just sayin that I ain't even gonna be able to look at no mans dick for A WHILE cause RIGHT NOW if I look at a man's balls I am just gonna think of Jimmy Doolittle gettin his balls cut off.  And I ain't into that shit! Just sayin.

Anyways, Fortune have a girl and that's good cause then when she older Tina's baby can babysit her. And she only weigh 5 and a half pounds. pounds.  How a 5  pound baby put you in labor for three days?  And where do a five pound baby come from in Fortune's family.  I'm just saying, I had a DAY, and i need to sleep.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Tina off the Hook

Well lucky for Tina, I heard they arrested, tried, and convicted some bitch for that MUNI eye pokin out incident.  And it is about time cause I am TIRED of being scared when I'm wit Tina on the MUNI that she gonna get caught and that they gonna see right through Crystal's wig and KNOW it Tina and ARREST her for pokin that dude's eyes out and ARREST me cause I'm stupid enough to be ON MUNI with Tina.  Anyway, they caught some bitch lightin fires on the back of the N Judah and I guess she look enough like Tina so when they arrest her for lightin fires they arrest her for pokin out that dudes eyes too.  And even though that dude can hardly see no more, he picked the bitch out of a lineup.  I think that bitch need to be off the streets anyway, so it's good she got a few more years added to her sentence.  Why the fuck someone light fires on the N Judah?  That's just a crazy person.  At least when Tina poke that dude's eyes out she had a REASON.

So Fortune due with the baby this week and she ain't shut the fuck up about it since she called me at 12:01 am on Sunday.  "I know it's comin, that baby is comin!"  I wish the doctor told that bitch that she was due in July cause then I might have some peace.  Girl, you should see her Facebook page.  She got pictures of drawings she made of what she think the baby gonna look like when it born.  And I hope the baby don't look NOTHIN like the pictures she drew cause them drawings is ugly.  I'm just saying.

Tina volunteered my place for the American Idol Finale Party we have every year.  And I TOLD
HER that I ain't puttin up with any shit this year about her saying she gonna bring the wine and then she not bring the wine.  I told her that she need to call me from Trader Joes and let me talk to the check out person who will verify that Tina is buying wine.  I told call, no party.  And I TOLD HER to make sure she get extra cause Showcase is bringing 2 gay dudes with her and they all gonna be cheering on that gay
 dude on there and probably drinkin extra.  It gonna be too much.   

Sunday, May 3, 2009

This Is The Bitch (PART TWO)

Girl, you missed it and you missed ALL of it AND the champagne from Trader Joes AND the chance to do ANYTHING you wanted with Mary's brother Wylie cause he was up for doin ANYTHING with ANY bitch that wanna do ANYTHING with him at Tina's birthday party.  And I KNOW there's shit you wanna do with him cause you told me you did.  I'm just sayin that if someone needed to piss at Tina's party then they had to piss in the alley next to her house cause Wylie was fuckin every bitch at the party in the bathroom.  I pissed on my shoes....twice.   But that ain't even what I'm talkin about.
I'll call you and TELL you all the details from the party but girl I needed to SHOW you this.  You remember that bitch who threw a penny at my head a couple a months ago at the bar?  Well me and Showcase was walkin back to her place after Tina's party and we was all drunk and laughing and yellin shit about Wylie, and Showcase smashed in a car window the way she do, and THEN we walkin up Divis and we hear this CRYIN in the was like "MAMMA  mamma help me. !!!  I can't get up....HELP ME BITCHES!".....or SOMETHIN like that.  And I look down and it's that bitch who threw a penny at my head!!  And she FALLIN OUT of a baby stroller.  That bitch so drunk, she think she a baby or some shit.  What the fuck that bitch doin in a baby stroller at three in the morning?  And why the fuck that bitch asking for MY help.  I said "GIRL..." and then I couldn't think of nothin else to say so I just took out my camera and took her picture.  Then Showcase spit her gum in the bitches hair.  Like I said, I'll call you.