Sunday, April 26, 2009

Don't Bother

Well, even though you ain't comin, we still got everything set for Tina's surprise party on the 28th...INCLUDING 6 bottles of champagne that I got from Trader Joes that you ain't even gonna have none of cause you a promise breaker.  I thought that maybe I get over you sayin you not comin but girl I ain't over you sayin you not comin.   I'm just...well, YOU KNOW,...sayin.  Mary and Nancy got all the decorations, and Julie thought it be funny if we got Shakey to do a stripper dance when he dressed like a cop but I said ain't nothin funny about a guy in a cop uniform being THAT CLOSE to Tina at a time like this.  Don't matter if it Skakey or not.  If she see a cop uniform, she either gonna run or shoot.  And I don't want to see neither.  

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm Just Sayin

PLEASE, correctify me if I am wrong, but didn't you say you was gonna fly back here on the 28th for Tina's birthday?  Well I DON'T KNOW why I got a message on my phone tonight saying that YOU WASN'T flyin back on the 28th for Tina's birthday.  Cause I just remember huggin you at the metal detectors at the airport when you left and YOU sayin "See you on the 28th of April for Tina's birthday" and that is the LAST memory I got of you.  I'm just sayin, it ain't right.  And I can't even tell Tina that you ain't comin for her PARTY cause it a SURPRISE party and I can't be saying "That bitch ain't comin to your surprise party, Teen".  You don't stop.  And don't give me no shit about no excuse cause I KNOW you ain't workin and you STILL got money from that scratcher ticket you won on.  I can't even tell Fortune cause she so hormonal that she probly go into fake labor again.  I'm just sayin.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Jimmy Doolittle, Baby Daddy

Girl, do you remember Showcase's friend Jimmy Doolittle?  He that dude with that red Corvette that always wanna take every bitch he see ridin in his car and then you go ridin in his car and then he pull his dick out after about four blocks of drivin.  I went ridin wit him like 6 times and EVERYTIME it was the same the time we hit Divis, he had it out and was 
bangin it against the steering wheel.  He'd start honking the horn with his dick to get my attention.   You ever go riding with him?  I don't know if you did but if you did then you would KNOW that he could steer that car AND get shit out of the glove compartment with his dick!  I seen it and I'm pretty sure you seen it too, but I don't know for sure so I ain't even just sayin.  

Anyway, Showcase say that Jimmy Doolittle might be Fortune's Baby Baby Daddy Daddy even though Fortune keep sayin that it's a Immaculate Conception. Did you hear about that shit? Fortune say that she ain't even been with nobody that she remember about for months around the time the kid was conceived and she say she havin some kind of "special" baby.  You KNOW 
it is!  That bitch just tryin to pimp out her baby before it even born.  She say she gonna do talk shows and that she ain't gonna act like a crazy bitch like the Octomom.  Alright, Fortune.  You ain't got fucked but you havin a baby.  You don't sound like no crazy bitch.  That happen all the time.  She don't stop.

But I'm just sayin that Showcase say she watch that TV show "Busted on the Job" and she say she see a tape on there of this bitch who look like Fortune doin it with this dude who look like Jimmy Doolittle in the break room where he work.  And it was dated from August.  I'm gonna see if there a video on You Tube tonight.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Girl, I want you to count in your mind all the times you remember Tina havin 911 call on her.  And now take that total and add one more.  And if your total ain't over 48 then your memory goin cause I got 67 times on my list, and YOU KNOW that I black out a lot so YOU KNOW it even higher than that.  I'm just saying that ONCE AGAIN when Tina should be actin all DL she need to feel like she need to get up in someone's face and make a scene and then have 911 called on her even when it don't even make no sense why she do it.  It ain't just me, is it?

Anyway, me and Tina went down to Giant Panda in the mall today and Tina order some shrimp a la mode or SOME Chinese shrimp shit that I don't never eat, but Tina order and she tell the
bitch at the counter that she want EXTRA shrimp...and she really did cause I heard her.  So the bitch ring her up and CHARGE her for the shrimp and YOU KNOW when that plate come out Tina open that box and count all them shrimps...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....and she didn't even get ONE extra shrimp even though that bitch charge her for 6 extra shrimps, and YOU know if Tina spendin two dollars extra on a meal she gonna make sure she get her money worth.  And Tina start screamin the way Tina start screamin "Where my extra shrimp bitch?!  Show and tell bitch, cause them extra shrimps I paid for is playin hide and seek.!"  I ain't kiddin...she talk all the time now in them phrases she make up.    Well you know how Tina get when she get ripped off.  She start sharpenin and pokin her chopsticks around in the bitches face and tellin that bitch workin there that she need to learn how to COUNT before she try takin her next job or there could be REAL trouble.  And YOU KNOW how sensative workin 
bitches are now...she take it as a threat, even though that's just the way Tina talk.  At the point anyway, THAT BITCH call 911 and start yellin 
about terroristic threats and shit and how she feel threatened by the shrimp bitch....she blew it all out of size and she didn't stop.  So the bitch hang up the phone with the 911 and come back over to us and tell Tina that the 911 is on their way and Tina look at her and say "NOW  WHAT?!?!?!....", like she ain't even scared.   That bitch is too much cause YOU KNOW if she even get picked up for spittin, she gonna be in jail for 20 years.  She just test people.  Tina just look at the bitch... then she just turn her head, slap down her hand on the counter, and yell real loud into the food court..."NEXT!!!!!!!!"  Tina know it take the cops like 7 minutes to get to a food court...she just fuckin with people.