EARTHQUAKE!

Girl, I do not know if you could feel the earthquake we had here today all the way out in North Dakota but I am just sayin that it felt TO ME like you probly COULD feel it cause that shit shook my walls and almost knock down that vase I got from Valentines 2004, and YOU KNOW I'd start lightin shit on fire if anything ever happen to that vase.  Tina's baby almost knock down that vase one time and I make Tina take the baby home.  I shouldn't need to Super Glue my true love vase down to the table just cause Tina can't keep her baby down.  

Tina say she was at Fortune's when that earthquake hit and as soon as the walls start shakin, Fortune start actin like she in labor.  She callin 911...Yellin how "I'm stuck in a  Earthquake and I'm HAVIN MY BABY." And YOU KNOW She just thinkin she gonna have the first  "quake baby" or have her 911 tape played on Inside Edition or somethin and make money off it.  She don't stop.  I think the hospital is gettin pissed at her for comin in with so many fake labor stories and they SHOULD be pissed cause YOU KNOW they got more important shit to deal with like OD's, stabbings and people puking up blood on their shoes!  But that ain't how Fortune think.  I think the hospital should have a big poster of Fortune hanging up that say "I ain't due til May 19th..."  They should have a little countdown calendar there so they know EXACTLY how many days they got til they gotta REALLY put up wit that bitch when she in labor.  I HOPE she is filmin that shit and that she is filming ALL that shit and when she release it to theaters she don't even cut one second from it cause it is gonna be the best movie of the year and win a Oscar.  I'm just sayin.

Tina don't work at the Old Rust no  more.  Remember I told you how I thought that other bitch who work there piss in my drink and turn my Hypnotiq green?  Well I guess that put some idea in Tina's head cause the other day she had these bitches piss her off and YOU KNOW that usually she just spit in the drinks, but she take the tray right in the bathroom and she piss in their drinks!  But she so nasty about it...she take four pints of beer in the bathroom and she don't just piss a bit on them, she piss SO HARD into all four glasses that when she bring the tray back to the table, all the glasses got steam coming out of them!! She need to learn some tact when she piss in people's drinks.  I'm surprised she last two weeks...especially after that thing with that dude's camera that I didn't even tell you about and I ain't gonna right now either.  Ask me about it.  Anyway they fire her.

And I GUESS the MUNI people are still lookin for her and she is STILL wearin Chrystal's wig and I meant to tell you that Chrystal got a new BLACK wig and it don't go no better with her skin than that purple one.  She need a wig advisor or something.   But Shakey say he heard from his friend at 850 Bryant that a lot of evidence was lost in that earthquake and they might not have a case.  Tina so lucky all the time.  

Tina and Crystal...

Girl, you know that purple wig that Crystal always wear that she always think look natural but everyone else just say "What the fuck that on your head Crystal'?  Well right after Tina's wanted posters started get hung up on the MUNI underground Tina went over to Crystal's place and tell her that she need to borrow her wig for "protection".   Have you ever seen Tina in that wig?  She look JUST AS GOOD as Crystal do in that wig.  Meaning she look like she hear a dog barkin real loud somewhere while she get hit upside the head with a lawn chair.  I DO NOT understand why everything in Crystal's life need to be purple.  I KNOW that YOU KNOW what I'm saying.  Why Crystal still even wear that wig?  She bought it for $5, five years ago. Let it go Crystal cause we are tired of it. But that even what I'm talkin about.

ANYWAY, I don't think I told you that Tina FINALLY got a job.  You know that bitch down at the Old Rust doin cocktails who take that whole tray of drinks AND my Hypnotiq in the bathroom that time?  Well she beat the shit out of this other bitch workin there who was stealin her tips and that bitch ain't able to work no more for a few months so they need a replacement and she get Tina the job.  That's why Tina need the wig so bad.   YOU KNOW that a lot of people who ride MUNI go to the Old Rust and she don't need to take no chances.  I heard she gonna wear glasses too.  I love when Tina wear glasses.  That's when you know she fuck anyone.  

Julie One Dumb Bitch

You know how yesterday I told you not to yell out "Tina" if you see one of them posters pasted up in the underground?  Well girl, I FORGOT you moved to North Dakota the day after we had that goin away party for you.  I guess there ain't no good chance that you gonna see Tina's "Wanted" poster on the underground there.  How IS the underground there anyway.  Do it run on time most of the time or is it late all the time like the  N Judah?

Anyway, I guess Julie didn't hear that Tina poked that dude's eyes out on the MUNI yesterday cause  Shirl call me today and she say that Julie down at Civic Center underground and YOU KNOW how Julie don't read real good?  Well that bitch walk right up to one of them posters and rip it down and start screamin about how she know where her "missing" friend is.  That bitch didn't even KNOW it was a "wanted" poster.  And YOU KNOW that almost everyone of that bitch's friends has been ON a wanted poster so YOU KNOW that SHE KNOW what a wanted poster look like. I AM JUST SAYIN!

Well Julie go runnin up the steps to that booth where them bitch ass, lazy, crossword puzzle doin, too annoyed to even press the "please enter" button bitches

 sit and she start screaming at this bitch about how she know where the "missing" lady at and that her name is Tina and that she just seen her at her apartment down in Lower Haight!!  That bitch did everything cept give Tina's Social Security number.  But I ain't even sure Tina HAVE a Social Security number.  Shirley said that Julie said that about 9 seconds after she say she know where Tina at there was 4 cops IN HER FACE yellin about "the suspect" and about how Julie need to take them to her.  Well I guess because of their TONE or something, Julie realize that Tina was in trouble and not missing so she look at the picture again and say "Wait...no...that ain't even Gina.  I'm sorry, I thought it was Gina."  Then she just walk away.  I don't think the cops believed her.

Tina Pokes

Girl!  Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl!!!!  You remember that time you say that you would serve a sentence in jail up to and including TEN years if you could just ONE TIME smack Tyra Banks in the head with a Twinkie?  And we was with Shirley and Julie and Tina, and right after you say that, Julie say how she would go to jail if just ONE TIME she could pick up a nasty pissed in Dunkin Donuts to go coffee cup off the ground and throw it at Showcase's head, and then Shirl say she probly throw somethin  nasty at Showcase's head too, and then I FINALLY realize that nobody really like Showcase.  But I ain't even talkin about that.  

You remember how on that night Tina braggin about how she don't never pay for no MUNI and say that if  "any of them bitches" checkin for a MUNI Pass or transfer ever get in her face when she on the train then she say she gonna pull their hair and spit in their eye?  And remember

 how I said I bet you ten dollar she do it in the next 3 months and then you said that Tina ain't even stupid enough to do shit like that and you bet against me?  Well ten dollars to me girl cause from what I HEARD from Shirley, they got Tina's picture plastered all over all the underground stops cause today Tina jumped on the N Judah and she don't have no transfer or Fastpass or no shit and when the dude came up and ask her for it, Tina just poke both her pointer fingers into the ticket checker dude's eyes and run out the back door.  Now they say he might not never see again but they ain't sure cause they ain't even sure if they could save his eyes, let no loan his sight.  Anyway, I'm just sayin, if you see one of the "WANTED" signs, don't scream out "TINA!"