EARTHQUAKE!

Girl, I do not know if you could feel the earthquake we had here today all the way out in North Dakota but I am just sayin that it felt TO ME like you probly COULD feel it cause that shit shook my walls and almost knock down that vase I got from Valentines 2004, and YOU KNOW I'd start lightin shit on fire if anything ever happen to that vase.  Tina's baby almost knock down that vase one time and I make Tina take the baby home.  I shouldn't need to Super Glue my true love vase down to the table just cause Tina can't keep her baby down.  

Tina say she was at Fortune's when that earthquake hit and as soon as the walls start shakin, Fortune start actin like she in labor.  She callin 911...Yellin how "I'm stuck in a  Earthquake and I'm HAVIN MY BABY." And YOU KNOW She just thinkin she gonna have the first  "quake baby" or have her 911 tape played on Inside Edition or somethin and make money off it.  She don't stop.  I think the hospital is gettin pissed at her for comin in with so many fake labor stories and they SHOULD be pissed cause YOU KNOW they got more important shit to deal with like OD's, stabbings and people puking up blood on their shoes!  But that ain't how Fortune think.  I think the hospital should have a big poster of Fortune hanging up that say "I ain't due til May 19th..."  They should have a little countdown calendar there so they know EXACTLY how many days they got til they gotta REALLY put up wit that bitch when she in labor.  I HOPE she is filmin that shit and that she is filming ALL that shit and when she release it to theaters she don't even cut one second from it cause it is gonna be the best movie of the year and win a Oscar.  I'm just sayin.

Tina don't work at the Old Rust no  more.  Remember I told you how I thought that other bitch who work there piss in my drink and turn my Hypnotiq green?  Well I guess that put some idea in Tina's head cause the other day she had these bitches piss her off and YOU KNOW that usually she just spit in the drinks, but she take the tray right in the bathroom and she piss in their drinks!  But she so nasty about it...she take four pints of beer in the bathroom and she don't just piss a bit on them, she piss SO HARD into all four glasses that when she bring the tray back to the table, all the glasses got steam coming out of them!! She need to learn some tact when she piss in people's drinks.  I'm surprised she last two weeks...especially after that thing with that dude's camera that I didn't even tell you about and I ain't gonna right now either.  Ask me about it.  Anyway they fire her.

And I GUESS the MUNI people are still lookin for her and she is STILL wearin Chrystal's wig and I meant to tell you that Chrystal got a new BLACK wig and it don't go no better with her skin than that purple one.  She need a wig advisor or something.   But Shakey say he heard from his friend at 850 Bryant that a lot of evidence was lost in that earthquake and they might not have a case.  Tina so lucky all the time.  

Tina and Crystal...

Girl, you know that purple wig that Crystal always wear that she always think look natural but everyone else just say "What the fuck that on your head Crystal'?  Well right after Tina's wanted posters started get hung up on the MUNI underground Tina went over to Crystal's place and tell her that she need to borrow her wig for "protection".   Have you ever seen Tina in that wig?  She look JUST AS GOOD as Crystal do in that wig.  Meaning she look like she hear a dog barkin real loud somewhere while she get hit upside the head with a lawn chair.  I DO NOT understand why everything in Crystal's life need to be purple.  I KNOW that YOU KNOW what I'm saying.  Why Crystal still even wear that wig?  She bought it for $5, five years ago. Let it go Crystal cause we are tired of it. But that even what I'm talkin about.

ANYWAY, I don't think I told you that Tina FINALLY got a job.  You know that bitch down at the Old Rust doin cocktails who take that whole tray of drinks AND my Hypnotiq in the bathroom that time?  Well she beat the shit out of this other bitch workin there who was stealin her tips and that bitch ain't able to work no more for a few months so they need a replacement and she get Tina the job.  That's why Tina need the wig so bad.   YOU KNOW that a lot of people who ride MUNI go to the Old Rust and she don't need to take no chances.  I heard she gonna wear glasses too.  I love when Tina wear glasses.  That's when you know she fuck anyone.  

Julie One Dumb Bitch

You know how yesterday I told you not to yell out "Tina" if you see one of them posters pasted up in the underground?  Well girl, I FORGOT you moved to North Dakota the day after we had that goin away party for you.  I guess there ain't no good chance that you gonna see Tina's "Wanted" poster on the underground there.  How IS the underground there anyway.  Do it run on time most of the time or is it late all the time like the  N Judah?

Anyway, I guess Julie didn't hear that Tina poked that dude's eyes out on the MUNI yesterday cause  Shirl call me today and she say that Julie down at Civic Center underground and YOU KNOW how Julie don't read real good?  Well that bitch walk right up to one of them posters and rip it down and start screamin about how she know where her "missing" friend is.  That bitch didn't even KNOW it was a "wanted" poster.  And YOU KNOW that almost everyone of that bitch's friends has been ON a wanted poster so YOU KNOW that SHE KNOW what a wanted poster look like. I AM JUST SAYIN!

Well Julie go runnin up the steps to that booth where them bitch ass, lazy, crossword puzzle doin, too annoyed to even press the "please enter" button bitches

 sit and she start screaming at this bitch about how she know where the "missing" lady at and that her name is Tina and that she just seen her at her apartment down in Lower Haight!!  That bitch did everything cept give Tina's Social Security number.  But I ain't even sure Tina HAVE a Social Security number.  Shirley said that Julie said that about 9 seconds after she say she know where Tina at there was 4 cops IN HER FACE yellin about "the suspect" and about how Julie need to take them to her.  Well I guess because of their TONE or something, Julie realize that Tina was in trouble and not missing so she look at the picture again and say "Wait...no...that ain't even Gina.  I'm sorry, I thought it was Gina."  Then she just walk away.  I don't think the cops believed her.

Tina Pokes

Girl!  Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl!!!!  You remember that time you say that you would serve a sentence in jail up to and including TEN years if you could just ONE TIME smack Tyra Banks in the head with a Twinkie?  And we was with Shirley and Julie and Tina, and right after you say that, Julie say how she would go to jail if just ONE TIME she could pick up a nasty pissed in Dunkin Donuts to go coffee cup off the ground and throw it at Showcase's head, and then Shirl say she probly throw somethin  nasty at Showcase's head too, and then I FINALLY realize that nobody really like Showcase.  But I ain't even talkin about that.  

You remember how on that night Tina braggin about how she don't never pay for no MUNI and say that if  "any of them bitches" checkin for a MUNI Pass or transfer ever get in her face when she on the train then she say she gonna pull their hair and spit in their eye?  And remember

 how I said I bet you ten dollar she do it in the next 3 months and then you said that Tina ain't even stupid enough to do shit like that and you bet against me?  Well ten dollars to me girl cause from what I HEARD from Shirley, they got Tina's picture plastered all over all the underground stops cause today Tina jumped on the N Judah and she don't have no transfer or Fastpass or no shit and when the dude came up and ask her for it, Tina just poke both her pointer fingers into the ticket checker dude's eyes and run out the back door.  Now they say he might not never see again but they ain't sure cause they ain't even sure if they could save his eyes, let no loan his sight.  Anyway, I'm just sayin, if you see one of the "WANTED" signs, don't scream out "TINA!"

DSW

Girl, I never thought Tina would be STUPID enough to try the shit she try today at the Designer Shoe Warehouse and witout even TELLING me she gonna do it first but I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN something was up when Tina didn't have on her purple high tops when we was shoppin cause YOU KNOW she always wear them sneaks when we go down to Union Square.  And when we met up outside Walreens I DID notice she was wearin that pair of black slip ons that Fortune left at her place one night, and I KNOW that YOU KNOW what pair I'm talkin bout cause Fortune bring them up every time she talk to anyone or email anyone but that bitch ain't ever gone right up to Tina in the year and a half since she left them at Tina's and say "Tina gimme my fuckin shoes back." She just bitch about how Tina never give them back.   I'm just sayin that if Fortune was too fucked up to not know she didn't have no shoes on when she left that party at Tina's, well then maybe Fortune don't deserve to own them shoes.  

Anyway, me and Tina looked at shoes for a while and I didn't see nothin I wanted and I THOUGHT that Tina didn't see nothin SHE wanted but right as we  was walkin out the

front door I seen something hangin off the back of Tina's shoe.  And as soon as I said "Hey Teen, what's that....", girl, that fuckin alarm start goin off and I see Tina's nice, new, bright white Reeboks wit security tags hangin off the back of them go jammin out the door!  

All Tina say is "RUN BITCH!"  And I just yelled "I don't NEED to run bitch!  I didn't steal no Reeboks".  I stood right outside and smoked a cigarette and watched Tina run UPHILL to get away.  I still don't know if she got away, I went over to the Old Rust.   She ain't called.

She Don't Stop

Well I woulda written to you sooner if SOMEHOW my computer didn't just disappear last Thursday and SOMEHOW just reappear last night when Tina come over and I was in the bathroom.  I ain't EVEN kidding.  All I been doin all week is bitchin to Tina bout how my computer get stolen at that goin away party I had for you and then she think I ain't even gonna notice when it just all the sudden back on my desk when I come out from doing a piss?  I come out the bathroom and I see my computer and I look at Tina and I say "How the fuck my computer get back in here?!"  And Tina just say "What?", like she don't even know what the  fuck I'm talkin about.  And I say "Teen...Where the fuck my computer come from?"  And she start YELLIN at me bout how it been there the whole time she been there and that she think I'm crazy.  But I KNOW that her shady friend that she been fuckin took it during that party cause he the only shady person AT that party except for Crystal but she don't even know how to USE a computer.  I just dropped it and ONCE AGAIN did not call her ass out for bein a thief.  I'm just glad I got my computer back, even if it do have Tina's name carved into it.

 

Bitches and their bags

Did you hear what Tina did on that stairway today?  She too crazy and YOU KNOW she gonna end up in jail someday.  And I ain't even talkin about the times she already BEEN in jail OR on death row.  I'm talkin about the future which is something Tina DON'T NEVER think about.  And why she gotta get so mad over two bitches on the stairway at the Van Ness underground is beyond anything I even want to know about a person in their lifetime.  I'm just sayin, wit Tina it could be two bitches on the steps of Muni or it could be a priest in line at the liquor store, she will start shit wit any of them.  

So Tina was walkin UP the steps at Van Ness and I was walkin UP behind her and YOU KNOW that Tina is serious about the proper etiquette when you on the stairs or the escalator. You

 SEEN HER yell at people about "keep to the right bitch, pass on the left bitch", you know, you seen it.  Well we comin UP the steps at Van Ness and we keepin to the RIGHT against the railing and as we going UP these two bitches with big bags was walkin NEXT to each other going DOWN the stairs and the one bitch was too far over to her LEFT and just ignored the fact that Tina was even existing AND walkin up the steps and that bitch smack Tina right in her head with all three her bags!  Tina's head get slapped with The Gap, H&M, and Victoria's Secret all right in a row.  Smack, smack, smack!  Girl, I KNOW you just lit a cigarette cause YOU KNOW that some serious shit is about to happen.  I seen them bags hit Tina's head and I just look down at the floor like I drop my transfer or a quarter or something and I almost start laughin so I act like I seen Shirley and start yellin "HEY SHIRL!....SHIRLEY!" and I just run right back down the stairs to fake Shirley.  

WELL....that's when I seen the bags come flyin down the stairs and I hear that very recognizable sound of Tina beatin on some bitches.  So I'm hearin the slap slap slap and then I hear Tina scream down at me "Grab the bags and run!  Get that shit!"  So I did!  Me and Tina split the shit and I got a couple of nice sweaters.  Tina took all the Victoria's Secret shit.  Shakey gonna be real impressed.