Octinaletts

So me and Tina was down at Fortune's place to see how she doin wit her pregnancy and we was watchin TV and we seen that thing on the TV bout how MAD everyone in America and some of England is at that bitch that had them 8 octuptlet babies since she already got 6  sextuplet babies and she ain't got no job AND she live in her parents attic.  And Fortune say how she can't even imagine havin ONE baby and that if SHE end up havin 8 babies that she probly sell some of them or put some up for adoption.  And right as Fortune saying that, Tina butt in and start yellin at Fortune and sayin that SHE could bring up 8 babies wit no problem and she wouldnt even need no help from no one!  Fortune spit out her drink when she hear that!  I just picture Tina wit 8 baby strollers goin into the bar and then ME havin to count up 8 baby strollers when we leave.  She don't stop.

Frosted Flakes

J-Head call me today and ask me what the fuck happen with that waitress and I TOLD him that it's some nasty shit that that bitch bring Hypnotiq in the bathroom with her.  How she even wash her hands before returning at work?  She don't.  I told J-Head I want free drinks the next time we there.  AND I asked for that bitches schedule cause I ain't goin no more if she there.  I'm just sayin.

And I HOPE you didnt open them boxes of the Frosted Flakes that we got 2 for 1 at the Rite Aid sale with Michael Phelps on them cause I heard that Flakes dropped his ass for smokin weed and now them boxes gonna be worth BIG money in like 6 months.  So don't open em.  And Shirley call me today

and YOU KNOW how Shirley see somethin on the TV and then call all around til she find someone to talk to about the thing she seen on the TV and trap you on the phone for 20 minutes?  Well Shirley call ME today and she goin off about Frosted Flakes and

screamin in the phone that people who smoke weed eat 90% of the Frosted Flakes and that they ain't got no right to be droppin him and they crazy if they think Tony The Tiger gonna sell more boxes and how Tony probly smoke weed too or chew on catnip....you know how she get!  SHE THINK they need to put a picture of him smoking a bong right on the box.  I think she right.  I look at a box wit someone smoking a bong on it,  it make me hungry.  

Tina say she wanna go to the Chinese New Year parade this weekend but I ain't sure I'm goin.I ain't even sure it IS this weekend, but Tina say it is and she know her astronomy. But I been with Tina the last three times and I am tired of spending Chinese New Year in jail.  I just wanna go, look at some dragons, throw some fire crackers at little kids and have a couple drinks.  But Tina get all excited like it's HER new year, even though it ain't and she end up all wasted and offending people and then she end up in handcuffs and I spend my New Year bailing her out.  I need to start this Chinese New Year fresh.  

Old Rust Cocktails

Well Tina finally call me and all I KNOW is that it's a good thing I didnt let her bring that dude into MY place cause he end up rippin off Tina and YOU KNOW she ain't even got shit worth takin.  She "SOLD" all her jewelry to that dude on the TV and a lot of her other shit burned in that fire from when she have that indoor barbecue on the 4th of July. Tina say the dude steal her walkman and one of her VCRs.  She lucky he didnt steal the baby.  I KNEW he was shady when I seen that blood on his shirt but YOU KNOW Tina don't never think about shit like that til she wake up missin a VCR.  

 

So last night I took Tina out for some drinks down at the Old Rust and you know how the owner J-Head start having waitresses at the table and how there that one bitch who work there always outside smokin and yellin at people and you lucky if you ever get a drink?  Well Tina

order two Hypnotiqs from the bitch and then she go around takin more orders and yellin at more people and like 20 minutes later I FINALLY seen the bitch come around with the tray of drinks.  So she bring one table some drinks, then she bring another table some drinks and then the bitch take the tray with the rest of the drinks on it and she go in the bathroom! That bitch took our Hypnotiqs in with her to piss or whatever she been doin in 

the bathroom.  So I see the bitch come out the bathroom and I look at the tray and right away I see that my Hypnotiq look kinda GREEN.  And there only ONE THING that gonna make my BLUE drink green and that's YELLOW!  So I stand right up and start goin off on the bitch and

screamin bout how she nasty and why the fuck she piss in my drink.  And I didn't care if that bitch suckin J-Heads dick or not cause she ain't got no right to be pissin in my drink!  Well right as I'm slappin the bitch in her head, Tina walk back in from havin a cigarette and start yellin at ME to calm down and she SPRITZnn and I start yelling at HER about how the bitch pissed in our drinks and Tina start yellin back at me about how she didnt order just Hypnotiq but she order some drink that Shakey invent called a HypnoDew.  Leave it to Shakey to invent somethin as fucked up as Hypnotiq and Mountain Dew!  That shit look and taste just like waitress piss.  I apologized to the bitch for hittin her but she still nasty to be bringin a tray of drinks in the bathroom.

Tina Get Horny

Girl, don't this just wipe your ass?  So after you left my Super Bowl party last night after the first 8 minutes cause you SAY you gotta pick up your Aunt at the airport, Tina finally show up after she get released from the hospital and she come in with some dude she hook up with in the emergency room!!  Did you already hear?  Tina was up in her hospital bed on the 5th floor at 3 A.M. Sunday morning and that bitch wake up all horny so she go down and start cruising the E.R!!  She don't stop.  She say she wake up around 2 and make some cocktails with that bottle of Smirnoff that Showcase give her as a forgiveness present for puttin her in the hospital and then the vodka got her all horny so she go to the E.R. cause she knew it would be busy and she could find some action behind a curtain. Tina end up doin it with some dude waitin for a doctor to sew up his stab wounds.  

Anyway, Tina bring this dude over after he get sewn up and she get released and YOU KNOW my rule about Tina bringing dudes to my place.... she can't bring no dude to MY house unless she know HIS address.  Cause if he rip me off in MY house, I will send SOMEONE to his house to get my shit back.  And I have done it!  But she try to bring this emergency room gigolo in MY house and I say to Tina that I KNOW his address ain't the emergency room even though he look like it could be.  I'm just sayin that I could probly mail him a letter TO the emergency room and he would get it pretty fast, but he don't store his shit there.  So she BEGGIN me to let him in and I SAID NO like 7 times and I told her that when she fuck him at HIS house then he can come back.   I still ain't heard from her. 

Who the Fuck Dani?

I DO NOT KNOW who the fuck this nasty ass bitch Dani is who keep leavin them nasty ass comments in that last email bout how she gonna CUT UP my friends but I WILL let her know that if she don't stop then she WILL stop.  And YOU KNOW that shit is serious.  She say she gonna CUT Tina and I can tell by her tone that this bitch use a BIG knife.  And it is there in print and when we take her ass into court we will have it in print and then we convince the jury how SAD it is that this bitch would say she gonna cut up a bitch that in the hospital.  I'm just sayin, she probly spit on your Grandmom and not even feel bad about it!  I think I need one of them anti-virus things in my computer so bitches like that can't hack into my emails.

$!!000,0000,00.50

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful to you or your family but that pizza I got last night from your sister's Baby Daddy Roberto's place taste like Spaghetti-O's and Wonder Bread!!  And I AIN'T KIDDIN cause I seen some little pasta alphabet letters in the sauce. That shit was limp. AND they didnt give me no pepper flakes!  That's just cheap ass pizza.   

Anyway, I didn't get to finish that story about the laundymat last night cause I had

 to eat AND PAY FOR that cheap ass pizza, even though I THOUGHT you say they hook me up. So the other night Tina slap Showcase down at that laundymat and say that shit about "The price ain't right" and Showcase get pissed with the Price is Right comment so she stand 

right back up and she slap Tina right back down and Tina STILL don't learn her lesson and she stand right up and get right in Showcase's face and she yell "Showcase Showdown, bitch!!!"

 AND TINA KNOW  that Showcase hate that Showdown shit.  That one time Showcase have house arrest was cause she beat down some bitch that said "Showdown".  And as soon as I hear Tina say it I say right at her face and I say it like a parent,  "Shut Up Tina!!!"   I know I always say she need to cut her sentence short but girl sometimes I think she be better if she cut her tongue right off.    But she know...she know to bring a jacket and she know not to say Showdown to Showcase. 

I ain't gonna get into all the details and shit but Tina figure that since Showcase beat the shit out of her and she back in the hospital now, she gonna sue Showcase for  $!!,000,0000,00.5 !

It don't stop!  All I KNOW is we all suppose to go to that Super Bowl party on Sunday and I HOPE that Showcase and Tina can be civil durin the game.  

Tina Get Sticky

I don't know if you already heard but if I was in Las Vegas I would bet on I guess you already heard.  Tina probly call you right after she get on the 24.   Girl, it did not stop today! First,  Me and Tina was downtown today cause Fortune started workin at H&M  for somethin to do til she have the baby and she get us a good discount.  Well right when we walk out of H&M Tina step in the biggest blob of gum I ever seen.  It was about the size of dog shit. Tina stomp right down in it and then stick to the sidewalk.  She try to lift up her sneaker and it look like there was three pieces of Bubble Yum and some flies all chewed together and stuck on there.  And she was wearin her purple sneakers that she always wear downtown so YOU KNOW she got pissed.  She was SPRITZZin!  She standin in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of Powelll Street screaming at this group of like 15 Chinese ladies sayin  they need to learn how to "properly dispose of  their motherfucking gum!!!" Talkin how she gonna teach a lesson.  She pointin at the ones that she see chewing gum and then walkin up to them and flickin her finger into their forehead and yellin "WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT GUM WHEN YOU DONE WITH IT, BITCH!??"  They don't even know what she SAYIN, Tina freakin out in their faces, one lady just start crying and another one handed her $30 and RAN!  Then Tina SNATCH HER SNEAKER off the sidewalk and put it right in the face of the first bitch she seen and the bitch she do it to was like 8O and didnt even have no teeth to chew no gum!  Tina put it right in her face but then I think she realize that she actually do have a heart and took it OUT of the bitches face pretty fast.  She just start wavin it and pokin it at people like it's a torch or something, jabbing it at people, she start screamin "Hide and Seek Bitches, you gonna be chewin THIS piece next!"  Anyway she freak out for like 5 minutes then she just take her knife out of her pocket and scraped the gum off. She toss it right back on the sidewalk.

So we was at H&M and Fortune say that Showcase say that she serious about

the lawsuit and that SHE KNOW her sister only doin it for the money, and she said that Showcase gonna sue for $25,000,000!  What the fuck is wrong with her?  First, Tina took Plinko out to Dennys right after she kick the shit out of him which proves beyond any reasoned doubt that he FORGAVE her. And second, who is the last person you would try to get $25,000,000 out of?  Tina could work til the year 25 million and STILL not save $25.

  

Well, me and Tina was walkin home tonight and you know how at like 6 it went from bein real warm to real cold?  Well Tina didn't think it would get cold today since it was so nice so she didnt wear no jacket and then when we was walkin home Tina start bitching about how she cold and why didnt I tell her to bring no jacket!  That bitch KNOWS!  You ALWAYS bring a jacket.  Anyway, we was on Divis and we walk by this laundromat and Tina grab me in there and tell me to be lookout while she go through the driers...you know how she do.  So she find this sweater that was almost dry and she put it on and RIGHT as we was walkin out the laundrymat SHOWCASE walk in and look at Tina and Tina look at Showcase and Showcase

 start to point at Tina and YOU KNOW Tina don't like to be pointed at!!  Tina

slapped Showcase's finger down real hard and Showcase start SCREAMIN at Tina sayin how she gonna sue her for $50,000,000 and that Tina gonna have to pay it all!   So Tina slap Showcase right in her head and she yell "The Price AINT right, bitch!  I think you over bid!!.... NOW WHAT!?"  And YOU KNOW that Showcase don't like it when people pull that Price is Right shit on her.  So she...Girl, my pizza's here...I gotta go.