Here What I Think...

Girl... I just need to tell you that that bitch Tina has yanked my tits THREE two many times and I KNOW you know what I'm talkin about!!! She want to call me and use up 43 minutes of my daytime minutes goin on about shit that got NOTHIN to do with me (AKA...Fortune's brother) but she try to act like it got EVERYTHING to do with me (just cause I fuck him ONE TIME 3 years ago) when it ain't even got nothing to do with me, you know? I don't need to know NOTHING about her shit with Fortune's brother Ikeya, but YOU KNOW she want me to know. She don't stop. Ever. The whole WORLD could stop... like the earth would stop spinnin and then all the sudden just STOP and then cause of gravity and shit all the people be thrown all over the place and all up in the air and caught in the trees or smashed into buildings but Tina still would not stop. That bitch would still be WALKING around and defyin gravity and still spreading shit and disease in her path. She like a zombie. And when she actually do become a zombie... cause it gonna happen... I bet she eat my ass first. I'm just saying that i ain't talking to her til AT LEAST Thursday and you can tell her I said that. As a matter of fact you can tell that bitch I ain't talking to her til Friday.

And you need to call me soon but only call on the weekend cause that BITCH TINA use up all my minutes. I need to go.

Fortune's Baby Flew Away!

I do not know if this made it to the news out there yet but I am sure that it will and I would not be surprised if it make it to the news segment where they show dumb ass people doing stupid ass shit. All I know is that I cannot talk to anymore reporters or answer anymore questions from no one. I got me 2 frozen pizzas and a bottle of Tanquery in the kitchen and I don't even need to leave my apartment. Cause I know as soon as I do there gonna be some reporter IN MY FACE asking me questions about Fortune and why she ever allowed to have a kid.

Anyway, we been havin these piss down rainstorms and there been thunder AND lightning AND hail AND big winds and Tina even don't have no electric in her apartment cause a tree fell on the transformer or some shit. That's what she SAYS, but you know that bitch didn't pay her

bill. Cause I KNOW that she went to Bibbie's on Tuesday and got her finger nails AND her toe nails done and she paid extra for diamond flaked tips. She do this

EVERY winter, then she call people and say "Hey bitch, can I sleep at your place?" And I know that bitch ain't stayin with me. I got all my lights out so she can't tell I'm home. But that ain't even what I'm talkin about.

So Fortune decide that it be a good idea to take her baby for a walk right at the same time the sky was pitch black and ready to storm harder than it did in Wizards of Oz. I swear, I was at my front window and there go Fortune and the baby strollin down the street, that bitch hittin all the bumps in the sidewalk and I seen the baby start bouncin out of the stroller cause she ain't even got it strapped in. So I open my window and I start yellin "Fortune you crazy bitch!! Why the fuck you bring your baby out in the rain for?" And Fortune say "Oh, it's gonna rain?.....Girl you got a umbrella I could use?" So I gave her that giant umbrella we stole from the umbrella bucket at Bus Stop Burger but I SAID to her "Hey Fortune, why don't you take the baby home?" because that's something that someone who THINKS would say. And that bitch tell me that if the baby don't go for a walk in the stroller at 2 O'clock every afternoon then the little bitch is cranky all day. I told her that the baby gonna be MORE cranky if it drown in a flood or get hit by lightning but she didn't care.

Well I ain't back to watching Deal or No Deal for but 5 minutes and then my doorbell ringing and ringing and ringing and I hear "GIRL...THE BABY. HELP ME GET THE BABY!" Yes she did, she said "get" the baby. Which mean that the baby probably ain't in the stroller no more. Or that the baby IS in the stroller but the stroller is floatin down the street. So I run outside...IN THE RAIN...and there Fortune...WITHOUT the Bus Stop Burger umbrella...and she screaming and pointing and running and screaming. And we get down the street and I look up and there Fortunes baby, holding the umbrella and stuck up in a tree. That bitch said it was too hard to carry the umbrella AND push the baby stroller so she make the baby hold the umbrella. They didn't even make it 2 blocks before that baby got swooped up and stuck in that tree in front of the fish store. Girl, there was police and ambulance and news vans andevery nosy bitch in the neighborhood and it was a mess. Fortune just lucky the baby only got minor scratches cause they gonna be watching her ass.

Avatartina.

Girl, you remember that one time we went to the Janet Jackson concert with Tina and the WHOLE TIME Tina keep yelling out "Control!...PLAY CONTROL!" and she don't stop yelling it and no matter what song come on next Tina keep yelling it and the WHOLE TIME she do the Control dance even when Janet was singing "Let's Wait Awhile"? Do you remember how much everybody hate us just cause we standing with Tina? (And I KNOW you do remember cause that's the night YOU pissed your jeans in the parking lot and said it was MY fault.) Anyway, everybody hatin us, tellin Tina to shut the fuck up or they gonna throw beer on her and THEN they throw beer on her and THEN Tina kicked that bitch in her knee and put her down... that night did not stop at all. I ain't been to a concert with Tina since. So it don't make no sense why I called Tina and ask her to go see Avatar with me. Girl, I won 2 free tickets off the radio... 10th caller, hey!...

So me and T are there and right away, even before the lights was turned down, Tina start

yelling about how "big the motherfuckin screen is" and she talkin to EVERYONE around her and she say "you ever seen a screen that big? I AIN'T NEVER SEEN A SCREEN THAT BIG. THAT MOTHERFUCKER GO FLOOR TO THE ROOF!!!!!!!" And I could TELL that not one person around her WANT her to be talking to them and I could tell by the looks on their faces how they KNOW this bitch gonna be loud and ruin their Avatar experience, and them bitches

were not wrong.

So the lights go down and Tina shut up and she start shushin

other people to be quiet (cause she got nerve) and then someone shushed her back and YOU KNOW that Tina ain't even gonna let someone have the last shush so she let out a low "Uhhh Uhhhh" to send them a little warnin. Well I ain't even got to tell you that as soon as that movie start and as soon as that first dude's head pop out of the screen, Tina start standin up and clappin like she at a Chippendale show. She reachin her hands out to the screen and rubbin the dude's face, and poking his eyes and then she pucker up her lips like she kissing him. And everytime she do something she yell "Look girl, I can kiss his lips. Look girl, I can pick his nose." So I just grabbed her and pulled her to her seat and that bitch wasn't down for 45 seconds and she start yelling "Damn Girl, that shit floatin out the screen like that demon that fly out of my TV and go in my bedroom! That just what it looked

like." That's when the people start shushing her again and saying shit about how they pay $15 to see the movie and shut the fuck up. I just told Tina that I was going to get some popcorn and I didn't go back. I end up sittin in the back row on the aisle so I could have some peace. Tina didn't make it too far into the movie before they tell her she got to leave. And I ain't even gonna get into the fit she threw when they told her to go. Mmmmmm.

I DON'T CARE!

LOOK... I DON'T CARE what happen last year. I DON'T CARE about none of it. I mean, at the TIME it bottered me but then my new girl Fleece say "Girl, you don't got to care about none of that no more", so I DON'T CARE. Don't care bout all them lies that Tina told on all them different times, don't care whose dick Showcase sucked, and I don't even care if the right baby is with the right mama, as long as ONE baby is with ONE mamma. This is a new YEAR, and I don't know if you know BUT it is a new DECADE and I ain't got no time for no stupid shit in the new decade. And I'm gonna TELL that to Tina if she don't shut the fuck up about her possessed bedroom. Girl, did I tell you this already cause I don't think I did but I think I told it to Showcase but that was face to face. I guess I didn't tell you.

Well the other night Tina rent that scary movie Paratrooper Activity about them people with the possessed bedroom. Or maybe the whole house is possessed. I don't know cause I ain't seen it and I don't WANT to see it because I have SEEN Tina and Shakey's sex tape and THAT is the scariest shit ever caught on film in a bedroom. You seen it? I think it's on the internet. There a version of it on You Tube but they blurred out Shakey's dick... and the toys. Anyway, Teen calls me after she done watching Paralegal Activity and she all SCREAMING into the phone and she like HELP! HELP! And who KNOW what that mean with Tina. I'm just sayin, it could mean that she need a dollar for some lipstick OR that the baby on fire again. So Tina screaming and screaming and then she drop her phone and I still hear her screaming so I lit a cigarette and she STILL screaming, not saying anything about WHY she screaming, so I hung up and called 911 and I said "You need to send someone to Tina's".

Well that bitch smoked some weed and watch that movie ALONE in the DARK and each time she get more scared she hit more on the pipe and by the end of the movie where some shit fly out or something, Tina say that the shit fly OUT of her TV and into her

bedroom. I TOLD HER to get the shit that don't make her paranoid but she say that paranoia is fun. Unless you are ME and you got to call 911 on your crazy friend because she's screaming and won't say why. Well that whacked out huffer grab that baseball bat she got under her sofa and she start screaming and charging into the bedroom swinging that bat around breaking all her lamps and mirrors AND that vase with the dead flowers and the nasty fly water in it. She say she kept swinging the bat til she got the thing trapped in her bedroom closet. That's when she call me screaming and I call 911. Tina SAY that the 911 guys got the demon out but they didn't give her anything for her nerves. Now she think that the demon went in there and had babies and left them in the closet. She don't stop.

It Positively Got To Be There Overnight

Well as sure as shit falls from your ass, Fortune do something today that make me wonder if all them times she say "Damn girl, so and so fucked my brains out last night", if maybe her brains really do get fucked out of her.  I mean just because that bitch ain't got enough common sense to reach up into the front seat to get a condom out the glove compartment when she gettin some in the backseat, don't mean she can't have enough sense to SAY the right thing when she trying to get her baby back from the Children's Protective Service agents.  It ain't bad enough that I got to pick Tina up at the Greyhound station tomorrow and act like she ain't a lying bitch about the whole Beyonce thing, now I got to help Fortune and her sorry, blind ass get her baby back.  I am serious when I say that I wish she could find a dude to fuck her brains back into her.

Anyway, the Children's Protective Service agents was being REAL NICE and REAL SORRY to Fortune for all the mix up and all the shit that happen when they take HER baby instead of

Tina's baby and they put the whole baby return shit on the fast track and they ask Fortune if she could come down to New Mexico on Friday to pick up the baby.  Well that sightless ass tell them she can't make 

it on Friday and can't they just FED-EX the baby to her on a overnight flight!  How that bitch think a baby could survive a overnight flight in a box? Any SANE person know she need to have the baby sent Same Day Air!  So NOW the Children's Protective Peoples is wondering if Fortune is really fit to have a baby!  I'll get back to you about what happens....Fortune want me to meet at at the bar  at two o'clock and help her figure things out.

UNHHHHHHH UNHHHHHHHHHH!

You remember how Fortune used to wear them big thick glasses that make her face look like she got two glass igloos resting on her nose and her eyes look like giant bowling balls shooting out her head?  And you always say "Damn Fortune, I bet you can see through a brick wall with them things!", even though that joke got TIRED after the 87th time you say it. Well you know how one day she just stop wearing the glasses and she SAY she start wearin contacts but then she start bumpin into shit all the time and then she ran over that dude on the bike with her car and took off without stoppin?  Well that bitch need to find them glasses again and put them back on her face cause she either blind or she as stupid as Shakey's sperm.

Anyway, I'm just sayin that cause you remember I told you how Tina's baby got shipped off to New Mexico after we thought Tina was dead?  Well before the baby got shipped off, Fortune

 was "takin care of it" and YES maybe that wasn't no good idea and YES it was a nightmare. Well now that Tina coming back Fortune say she gonna let Tina stay with her for a bit while she readjust to life outside the carnival world.  So Fortune start cleaning up her nasty apartment, and YES I DID ask her if she threw away that container of chinese food from Giant Panda that been sittin on her counter since April growing shit in it and SHE SAY she did but it would not surprise me if that shit still sittin there and still growing.  But that ain't even what I'm talking about.  

 

So Fortune call me 30 minutes ago and she all in a panic and she crying about her baby and she hypo-ventalating and screaming and I couldn't understand most of what she sayin so I told her to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up and call me back in 5 minutes.  So she call me 4 

minutes later and she say she realize when she was cleaning the house that when the Childrens Protective Service peoples came by to get Tina's baby THREE WEEKS AGO that she gave them HER baby instead!  And that bitch didn't even notice until TODAY!  Now it's true that Tina's baby and Fortunes baby do have some similar features, probably cause them babies created by the same dick... don't even tell no one I said that....but Tina's "baby" is three years old.  How do Fortune think that HER three month old baby is up and walking and doing the dishes? I should have known something was up when I called her and her baby answered the phone.  I'll let you know what happens.

Girl, I fucked up, Tina AIN'T Dead!

\
Well I guess there still a chance that Tina can pay you back that $37 you was bitching about after you hear that she dead cause she ain't dead.  But from what I hear she pissed that everyone thought she was dead and then just got on with their lives even though her body was never found.  She don't stop.  But answer me THIS... how she expect everyone to think she AIN'T dead after she just leave her baby in the cereal aisle of Foods Co and then just disappear for two months? Tina KNOW and WE KNOW that people don't just disappear... people either get buried in the woods or dropped into deep water.  I mean SOMETIMES people get burned in dumpsters or shot in the back of the head execution style and left in a parking lot, but most of the time they just buried in the woods til a dog or a rabid squirrel uncover them and drag them out piece by piece.  Remember that time Showcase found her dog playing with her cousin's hand?  I'm just saying.  I just don't know how Tina think we could think anything else except that she was dead.  She got no logic. All I know is that I ain't giving back that microwave I took from her apartment when we was all dividing up her shit.

Anyway, Mary say that Tina call her last Tuesday and Tina say she ain't been able to call cause she she got a job as a backup dancer on Beyonce's tour and Beyonce don't let none of her backup bitches have no cell phone.  YES SHE DID! That bitch has GOT TO BE huffin again cause she think that we all gonna believe that even though Showcase seen the Beyonce tour and she didn't see no Tina.  

It don't stop there.  Shakey said he was down in Sacramento on "business" the day after Tina call Mary and he say that he seen Tina working the ferris wheel at a school carnival.  What the fuck do Tina know about working a ferris wheel?  YOU KNOW that bitch used to go to carnivals just to chuck rocks at people and babies circling around on ferris wheels.  I'm just hoping that she didn't have to help put that shit together cause I seen shit on the TV where they say that most carnival workers only use 60% of the nuts and bolts it takes to build a ride and YOU KNOW if Tina was putting it together she only use like 30% and some scotch tape she pick off of old wrapping paper from two Christmases ago.  I mean, you seen the way she put jigsaw puzzles together with staplers and shit.

So, Tina coming back home next week.  She don't know that her baby living in New Mexico and I hope I ain't the one who have to tell her.  We'll see.

Oh, Hey Girl!

I am JUST askin and I AINT sayin but what the fuck runnin shit do I have do to make sure that Fortune remember that she even HAVE a baby.  She as bad as Tina.  There somethin I wanted to tell you about Tina... can't remember what it is now. I'll think of it.   Anyway, Fortune call me and say "Hey girl I need you to CALL me at SEVEN in the MORNING and make sure my ass get up for the baby" You know, cause she need to feed it and shit.  And SHE KNOW that I ain't even up at seven and I don't even get up before The View come on.  That bitch actin like she can't even set no clock.  Wellllllll...maybe she AIN'T able to do that.

Fortune keep runnin off all over the place, she go to Fresno and Sacramento on Monday and Wednesday and next week she say she goin to Union City on Saturday and YOU KNOW she party when she there, but she keep leavin the baby with me sayin she be back on Monday, and YOU KNOW that she ain't even gonna come back til Tuesday and she KNOW that if she come home any later than 12 noon on Tuesday then that baby gonna be on its own cause I got a standing one o'clock appointment at Bibbies on Tuesday and YOU KNOW I ain't giving that shit up. Fortune doin the whole Immaculate Conception tour, doing preaching on street corners,  sayin how no man ain't never fucked her for a long time and that she have the biggest miracle baby since Mary had that baby.   she SAY that people believe it but she

 say she don't want to EXPLOIT the baby yet so she gonna wait til she four months old to put her in front of cameras.  That's just how she think.  Cause you shouldn't be in front of cameras from the time you were born.  And I don't know if I told you but Fortune name her baby after  Tina's middle name, Cher.  Damn, it was SOMETHIN about Tina that I wanted to tell you about.  I can't remember.

Mary call me today from Dolores Park durin that big, gay party and she say she seen Shakey's younger brother Stable rollin around with some dude on a pink blanket sprayin water on each other.  I'm just sayin.  They could have been suckin each others dicks and THAT would have been just as gay, but maybe even not!  Stable always had such pretty girls with him. 

I need to go, there a conclusion of Deal or No Deal on at 9AM on GSN, and I need to make sure I get up in time.  This bitch either gonna win $2 or $750, 000.  Them cable bitches took my TIVO away, so I need to be awake.

I'll call you tomorrow

TINA IS DEAD!

And I don't mean "Tina is dead" the way I meant it when I found out she ate that last piece of chocolate from my Whitman's Sampler OR the way I meant it when I found out she sucked every dick I sucked AT THE SAME TIME I was sucking it.  Well, not at the SAME TIME but DURING the time I was sucking it.   ANYWAY, Tina died.  That's all I know right now.  She dead.  And there a chance that she was huffing shit at Bibbie's the afternoon she died but that is just a rumor and YOU KNOW I aint into rumors.  But I got TWO calls about how Tina ain't with the living no more.  God rest her nasty soul.  I'll get back to you with details.

(Un)Fortune(ate)

Oh Girl sometime I wish I live in North Dakota with you cause then I wouldn't have to put up with no insane in the dumb brain shit that I gotta put up with since Fortune have that baby. I think the hospital or Facebook should have made her take a "are you ready to be a parent" test or some test that tests your parenting before they release her into the wild.   I'm just sayin, FOUR DAYS after she have the baby......  they got that big earring convention in Sacramento that Fortune go to every year.  And I THOUGHT that maybe she just say fuck it and not go cause she just had that baby AND because she didn't say nothin ABOUT goin.  And YOU KNOW she wake up that mornin and say "Hey bitch you gotta look out for my baby cause i'm goin to the earring convention."  And then she went!  And AT FIRST I thought it would be alright..4 day old baby for 6 hours,  but then i remember... and YOU KNOW what I'm talkin about... Fortune hook up with some dude EVERY year at the earring convention!!!  That bitch stick me with that baby for a day and a half!!!  I dropped it off at Tina's and let Tina's baby play with it.  I think they had fun.  

Anyway, I don't remember if I told you but Fortune never ended up cuttin off Jimmy Doolittle's

balls. I guess she couldn't get at his balls so she just stab him twice in the stomach instead. And I thought I fuckin piss myself into a coma when they was wheelin her out of the hospital and that petal head come walkin up like he even care he the baby daddy OR he a day late, OR that maybe there a chance that Fortune aint gonna be pissed. And right as Fortune seen him she take out that knife that Julie give her for her baby shower and stab him twice in the stomach.  Girl, knife in one hand, baby in the other...and the wheelchair never stopped moving!  That bitch stabbed Jimmy twice as the nurse was wheeling her out and that nurse never even seen it.  YOU KNOW Fortune good with a knife!!!  I just look  back and laugh at him.  

Fortune say she still gonna stick with that Immaculate Conception story and maybe call People Magazine in the morning but I think that she ain't gonna look very angelic once people find out she stab Jimmy Doolittle.  Cause YOU KNOW he gonna tell.

Fortune Had Her Fuckin Baby

Well it finally happen and Fortune finally had that damn baby and I swear on a chicken that if it had gone on for three more minutes I would have claw scratched some bitch.  That bitch Fortune said that her man Jimmy Doolittle gonna be in the operating room and then Jimmy Doolittle don't SHOW UP to the operating room and then Fortune start screaming how she gonna cut his balls off!  She screamed about it ALL DURING her labor from Sunday morning til 8:00 tonight!!! And since he didn't show up that bitch made me go in the labor room with her!  And YOU KNOW that I don't even LIKE horror movies.  But she make me do this shit.  AND I AM TELLING YOU, she talk THE WHOLE TIME about cuttin off them balls.  Every push, every grunt, every moan... in between EVERY one of those she screaming about them balls. I ain't even gonna tell you all the methods she had for doing it,  I'm just sayin that I ain't even gonna be able to look at no mans dick for A WHILE cause RIGHT NOW if I look at a man's balls I am just gonna think of Jimmy Doolittle gettin his balls cut off.  And I ain't into that shit! Just sayin.

Anyways, Fortune have a girl and that's good cause then when she older Tina's baby can babysit her. And she only weigh 5 and a half pounds. pounds.  How a 5  pound baby put you in labor for three days?  And where do a five pound baby come from in Fortune's family.  I'm just saying, I had a DAY, and i need to sleep.

Tina off the Hook

Well lucky for Tina, I heard they arrested, tried, and convicted some bitch for that MUNI eye pokin out incident.  And it is about time cause I am TIRED of being scared when I'm wit Tina on the MUNI that she gonna get caught and that they gonna see right through Crystal's wig and KNOW it Tina and ARREST her for pokin that dude's eyes out and ARREST me cause I'm stupid enough to be ON MUNI with Tina.  Anyway, they caught some bitch lightin fires on the back of the N Judah and I guess she look enough like Tina so when they arrest her for lightin fires they arrest her for pokin out that dudes eyes too.  And even though that dude can hardly see no more, he picked the bitch out of a lineup.  I think that bitch need to be off the streets anyway, so it's good she got a few more years added to her sentence.  Why the fuck someone light fires on the N Judah?  That's just a crazy person.  At least when Tina poke that dude's eyes out she had a REASON.

So Fortune due with the baby this week and she ain't shut the fuck up about it since she called me at 12:01 am on Sunday.  "I know it's comin, that baby is comin!"  I wish the doctor told that bitch that she was due in July cause then I might have some peace.  Girl, you should see her Facebook page.  She got pictures of drawings she made of what she think the baby gonna look like when it born.  And I hope the baby don't look NOTHIN like the pictures she drew cause them drawings is ugly.  I'm just saying.

Tina volunteered my place for the American Idol Finale Party we have every year.  And I TOLD

HER that I ain't puttin up with any shit this year about her saying she gonna bring the wine and then she not bring the wine.  I told her that she need to call me from Trader Joes and let me talk to the check out person who will verify that Tina is buying wine.  I told her....no call, no party.  And I TOLD HER to make sure she get extra cause Showcase is bringing 2 gay dudes with her and they all gonna be cheering on that gay

 dude on there and probably drinkin extra.  It gonna be too much.   

This Is The Bitch (PART TWO)

Girl, you missed it and you missed ALL of it AND the champagne from Trader Joes AND the chance to do ANYTHING you wanted with Mary's brother Wylie cause he was up for doin ANYTHING with ANY bitch that wanna do ANYTHING with him at Tina's birthday party.  And I KNOW there's shit you wanna do with him cause you told me you did.  I'm just sayin that if someone needed to piss at Tina's party then they had to piss in the alley next to her house cause Wylie was fuckin every bitch at the party in the bathroom.  I pissed on my shoes....twice.   But that ain't even what I'm talkin about.

I'll call you and TELL you all the details from the party but girl I needed to SHOW you this.  You remember that bitch who threw a penny at my head a couple a months ago at the bar?  Well me and Showcase was walkin back to her place after Tina's party and we was all drunk and laughing and yellin shit about Wylie, and Showcase smashed in a car window the way she do, and THEN we walkin up Divis and we hear this CRYIN in the street.....it was like "MAMMA  mamma help me. !!!  I can't get up....HELP ME BITCHES!".....or SOMETHIN like that.  And I look down and it's that bitch who threw a penny at my head!!  And she FALLIN OUT of a baby stroller.  That bitch so drunk, she think she a baby or some shit.  What the fuck that bitch doin in a baby stroller at three in the morning?  And why the fuck that bitch asking for MY help.  I said "GIRL..." and then I couldn't think of nothin else to say so I just took out my camera and took her picture.  Then Showcase spit her gum in the bitches hair.  Like I said, I'll call you.

Don't Bother

Well, even though you ain't comin, we still got everything set for Tina's surprise party on the 28th...INCLUDING 6 bottles of champagne that I got from Trader Joes that you ain't even gonna have none of cause you a promise breaker.  I thought that maybe I get over you sayin you not comin but girl I ain't over you sayin you not comin.   I'm just...well, YOU KNOW,...sayin.  Mary and Nancy got all the decorations, and Julie thought it be funny if we got Shakey to do a stripper dance when he dressed like a cop but I said ain't nothin funny about a guy in a cop uniform being THAT CLOSE to Tina at a time like this.  Don't matter if it Skakey or not.  If she see a cop uniform, she either gonna run or shoot.  And I don't want to see neither.  

I'm Just Sayin

PLEASE, correctify me if I am wrong, but didn't you say you was gonna fly back here on the 28th for Tina's birthday?  Well I DON'T KNOW why I got a message on my phone tonight saying that YOU WASN'T flyin back on the 28th for Tina's birthday.  Cause I just remember huggin you at the metal detectors at the airport when you left and YOU sayin "See you on the 28th of April for Tina's birthday" and that is the LAST memory I got of you.  I'm just sayin, it ain't right.  And I can't even tell Tina that you ain't comin for her PARTY cause it a SURPRISE party and I can't be saying "That bitch ain't comin to your surprise party, Teen".  You don't stop.  And don't give me no shit about no excuse cause I KNOW you ain't workin and you STILL got money from that scratcher ticket you won on.  I can't even tell Fortune cause she so hormonal that she probly go into fake labor again.  I'm just sayin.

Jimmy Doolittle, Baby Daddy

Girl, do you remember Showcase's friend Jimmy Doolittle?  He that dude with that red Corvette that always wanna take every bitch he see ridin in his car and then you go ridin in his car and then he pull his dick out after about four blocks of drivin.  I went ridin wit him like 6 times and EVERYTIME it was the same thing....by the time we hit Divis, he had it out and was 

bangin it against the steering wheel.  He'd start honking the horn with his dick to get my attention.   You ever go riding with him?  I don't know if you did but if you did then you would KNOW that he could steer that car AND get shit out of the glove compartment with his dick!  I seen it and I'm pretty sure you seen it too, but I don't know for sure so I ain't even just sayin.  

Anyway, Showcase say that Jimmy Doolittle might be Fortune's Baby Baby Daddy Daddy even though Fortune keep sayin that it's a Immaculate Conception. Did you hear about that shit? Fortune say that she ain't even been with nobody that she remember about for months around the time the kid was conceived and she say she havin some kind of "special" baby.  You KNOW 

it is!  That bitch just tryin to pimp out her baby before it even born.  She say she gonna do talk shows and that she ain't gonna act like a crazy bitch like the Octomom.  Alright, Fortune.  You ain't got fucked but you havin a baby.  You don't sound like no crazy bitch.  That happen all the time.  She don't stop.

But I'm just sayin that Showcase say she watch that TV show "Busted on the Job" and she say she see a tape on there of this bitch who look like Fortune doin it with this dude who look like Jimmy Doolittle in the break room where he work.  And it was dated from August.  I'm gonna see if there a video on You Tube tonight.

NEXXXXXXXXXT!

Girl, I want you to count in your mind all the times you remember Tina havin 911 call on her.  And now take that total and add one more.  And if your total ain't over 48 then your memory goin cause I got 67 times on my list, and YOU KNOW that I black out a lot so YOU KNOW it even higher than that.  I'm just saying that ONCE AGAIN when Tina should be actin all DL she need to feel like she need to get up in someone's face and make a scene and then have 911 called on her even when it don't even make no sense why she do it.  It ain't just me, is it?

Anyway, me and Tina went down to Giant Panda in the mall today and Tina order some shrimp a la mode or SOME Chinese shrimp shit that I don't never eat, but Tina order and she tell the

bitch at the counter that she want EXTRA shrimp...and she really did cause I heard her.  So the bitch ring her up and CHARGE her for the shrimp and YOU KNOW when that plate come out Tina open that box and count all them shrimps...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....and she didn't even get ONE extra shrimp even though that bitch charge her for 6 extra shrimps, and YOU know if Tina spendin two dollars extra on a meal she gonna make sure she get her money worth.  And Tina start screamin the way Tina start screamin "Where my extra shrimp bitch?!  Show and tell bitch, cause them extra shrimps I paid for is playin hide and seek.!"  I ain't kiddin...she talk all the time now in them phrases she make up.    Well you know how Tina get when she get ripped off.  She start sharpenin and pokin her chopsticks around in the bitches face and tellin that bitch workin there that she need to learn how to COUNT before she try takin her next job or there could be REAL trouble.  And YOU KNOW how sensative workin 

bitches are now...she take it as a threat, even though that's just the way Tina talk.  At the point anyway, THAT BITCH call 911 and start yellin 

about terroristic threats and shit and how she feel threatened by the shrimp bitch....she blew it all out of size and she didn't stop.  So the bitch hang up the phone with the 911 and come back over to us and tell Tina that the 911 is on their way and Tina look at her and say "NOW  WHAT?!?!?!....", like she ain't even scared.   That bitch is too much cause YOU KNOW if she even get picked up for spittin, she gonna be in jail for 20 years.  She just test people.  Tina just look at the bitch... then she just turn her head, slap down her hand on the counter, and yell real loud into the food court..."NEXT!!!!!!!!"  Tina know it take the cops like 7 minutes to get to a food court...she just fuckin with people.  

EARTHQUAKE!

Girl, I do not know if you could feel the earthquake we had here today all the way out in North Dakota but I am just sayin that it felt TO ME like you probly COULD feel it cause that shit shook my walls and almost knock down that vase I got from Valentines 2004, and YOU KNOW I'd start lightin shit on fire if anything ever happen to that vase.  Tina's baby almost knock down that vase one time and I make Tina take the baby home.  I shouldn't need to Super Glue my true love vase down to the table just cause Tina can't keep her baby down.  

Tina say she was at Fortune's when that earthquake hit and as soon as the walls start shakin, Fortune start actin like she in labor.  She callin 911...Yellin how "I'm stuck in a  Earthquake and I'm HAVIN MY BABY." And YOU KNOW She just thinkin she gonna have the first  "quake baby" or have her 911 tape played on Inside Edition or somethin and make money off it.  She don't stop.  I think the hospital is gettin pissed at her for comin in with so many fake labor stories and they SHOULD be pissed cause YOU KNOW they got more important shit to deal with like OD's, stabbings and people puking up blood on their shoes!  But that ain't how Fortune think.  I think the hospital should have a big poster of Fortune hanging up that say "I ain't due til May 19th..."  They should have a little countdown calendar there so they know EXACTLY how many days they got til they gotta REALLY put up wit that bitch when she in labor.  I HOPE she is filmin that shit and that she is filming ALL that shit and when she release it to theaters she don't even cut one second from it cause it is gonna be the best movie of the year and win a Oscar.  I'm just sayin.

Tina don't work at the Old Rust no  more.  Remember I told you how I thought that other bitch who work there piss in my drink and turn my Hypnotiq green?  Well I guess that put some idea in Tina's head cause the other day she had these bitches piss her off and YOU KNOW that usually she just spit in the drinks, but she take the tray right in the bathroom and she piss in their drinks!  But she so nasty about it...she take four pints of beer in the bathroom and she don't just piss a bit on them, she piss SO HARD into all four glasses that when she bring the tray back to the table, all the glasses got steam coming out of them!! She need to learn some tact when she piss in people's drinks.  I'm surprised she last two weeks...especially after that thing with that dude's camera that I didn't even tell you about and I ain't gonna right now either.  Ask me about it.  Anyway they fire her.

And I GUESS the MUNI people are still lookin for her and she is STILL wearin Chrystal's wig and I meant to tell you that Chrystal got a new BLACK wig and it don't go no better with her skin than that purple one.  She need a wig advisor or something.   But Shakey say he heard from his friend at 850 Bryant that a lot of evidence was lost in that earthquake and they might not have a case.  Tina so lucky all the time.  

Tina and Crystal...

Girl, you know that purple wig that Crystal always wear that she always think look natural but everyone else just say "What the fuck that on your head Crystal'?  Well right after Tina's wanted posters started get hung up on the MUNI underground Tina went over to Crystal's place and tell her that she need to borrow her wig for "protection".   Have you ever seen Tina in that wig?  She look JUST AS GOOD as Crystal do in that wig.  Meaning she look like she hear a dog barkin real loud somewhere while she get hit upside the head with a lawn chair.  I DO NOT understand why everything in Crystal's life need to be purple.  I KNOW that YOU KNOW what I'm saying.  Why Crystal still even wear that wig?  She bought it for $5, five years ago. Let it go Crystal cause we are tired of it. But that even what I'm talkin about.

ANYWAY, I don't think I told you that Tina FINALLY got a job.  You know that bitch down at the Old Rust doin cocktails who take that whole tray of drinks AND my Hypnotiq in the bathroom that time?  Well she beat the shit out of this other bitch workin there who was stealin her tips and that bitch ain't able to work no more for a few months so they need a replacement and she get Tina the job.  That's why Tina need the wig so bad.   YOU KNOW that a lot of people who ride MUNI go to the Old Rust and she don't need to take no chances.  I heard she gonna wear glasses too.  I love when Tina wear glasses.  That's when you know she fuck anyone.  

Julie One Dumb Bitch

You know how yesterday I told you not to yell out "Tina" if you see one of them posters pasted up in the underground?  Well girl, I FORGOT you moved to North Dakota the day after we had that goin away party for you.  I guess there ain't no good chance that you gonna see Tina's "Wanted" poster on the underground there.  How IS the underground there anyway.  Do it run on time most of the time or is it late all the time like the  N Judah?

Anyway, I guess Julie didn't hear that Tina poked that dude's eyes out on the MUNI yesterday cause  Shirl call me today and she say that Julie down at Civic Center underground and YOU KNOW how Julie don't read real good?  Well that bitch walk right up to one of them posters and rip it down and start screamin about how she know where her "missing" friend is.  That bitch didn't even KNOW it was a "wanted" poster.  And YOU KNOW that almost everyone of that bitch's friends has been ON a wanted poster so YOU KNOW that SHE KNOW what a wanted poster look like. I AM JUST SAYIN!

Well Julie go runnin up the steps to that booth where them bitch ass, lazy, crossword puzzle doin, too annoyed to even press the "please enter" button bitches

 sit and she start screaming at this bitch about how she know where the "missing" lady at and that her name is Tina and that she just seen her at her apartment down in Lower Haight!!  That bitch did everything cept give Tina's Social Security number.  But I ain't even sure Tina HAVE a Social Security number.  Shirley said that Julie said that about 9 seconds after she say she know where Tina at there was 4 cops IN HER FACE yellin about "the suspect" and about how Julie need to take them to her.  Well I guess because of their TONE or something, Julie realize that Tina was in trouble and not missing so she look at the picture again and say "Wait...no...that ain't even Gina.  I'm sorry, I thought it was Gina."  Then she just walk away.  I don't think the cops believed her.